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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Good Friend that turned on me

7 replies

Dontknowwhattothink1234 · 28/01/2025 19:58

There was a girl I was really good friends with at work and used to meet up with outside also. We had another mutual friend at work that she was very friendly with and hung out a lot . Anyways long story short they fell out and I waz caught in the middle and had to work with both.

I asked her to tell me what happened between then but she wouldn't and she just told me he'd been horrible to her for an extended period of time. For the next 3/4 months she was absolutely horrible to me multiple times, snapped at me, once insulted me on fiont of work colleague's and was really rude loads of time on teams and WhatsApp.

Whatever happened between her and the other person affected her badly and she suffered a severe bout of depression and anxiety. I tried to talk to her sbout what happened numerous tines but she refused and kept being really horrible to me and made me feel really bad about myseif.

It then came out she had an issue wuth me being fair with the other person at work and she stopped taking to me on teams. I told her on WhatsApp I was really struggling with how she treated me and she said it wasn't her and it was the other persons fault and it wasn't fair to say it to her as she was still struggling. She also said "I guess I could have told you about the whole thing but with you staying neutral in that situation it was best for the both of us not to confide in you". A few days later she blocked me. Since then she basically blanks me and has nothing to do with me. The one time I did talk to her she said she hadn't an issue with me. I'm really struggling to understand how someone can be so horrible to you for months and then so completely unaware of what they did.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 28/01/2025 20:14

You can do without her drama OP
concentrate on positive friendships in your life

something2say · 28/01/2025 20:17

I think what's happened is that your relationship has gone through a rough patch, because you were friends with someone who hurt her very much. These things happen. I'd back off for now. She probably was deliberately mean to you, but people do that sort of thing when they are hurting and struggling. Cut her some slack, back off for a few weeks and as the poster above says, concentrate on your work, your self and your other friends, and see what life brings in the longer term with this work friend. x

Dontknowwhattothink1234 · 28/01/2025 20:26

something2say · 28/01/2025 20:17

I think what's happened is that your relationship has gone through a rough patch, because you were friends with someone who hurt her very much. These things happen. I'd back off for now. She probably was deliberately mean to you, but people do that sort of thing when they are hurting and struggling. Cut her some slack, back off for a few weeks and as the poster above says, concentrate on your work, your self and your other friends, and see what life brings in the longer term with this work friend. x

Hi, thanks, this happened in October. I had actually completely cut ties with the other person outside of work and only spoke with them in work when I had to before all this happened.

OP posts:
something2say · 28/01/2025 20:27

So are you saying you took her side but she was still mean to you?

Dontknowwhattothink1234 · 28/01/2025 20:48

something2say · 28/01/2025 20:27

So are you saying you took her side but she was still mean to you?

Outside of work I did but inside of work I had no choice but to be neutral as I worked with both

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/01/2025 20:48

When two of your friends fall out it is a lose-lose situation. In this case your closer friend felt you didn't have her back, but in a work situation you need to remain professional with the other friend.

You just have to shrug it off and accept that your friend was disappointed in your response. I have been the friend in this situation, where I wanted work friends to take my side when they wanted to stay neutral. I understand where they were coming from, but I see them as just colleagues (now ex colleagues) rather than friends 🤷🏻.

MyProudHare · 28/01/2025 20:58

I would suggest you try to dial this back and see her as a colleague. She's behaving unprofessionally. Of course you couldn't just ignore another colleague at work, even if they had upset her.

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