Why is this so hard for me!!

[2015XXX]

I've been with my partner for 12 years - we have a daughter together. Life isn't and hasn't always been bad, but I have for sure forgiven behaviours I shouldn't have. Without anyone pointing it out, I am certain I have attachment issues and also issues from my own parents 'toxic' relationship. My point being, I am fully aware that there are huge hurdles mentally standing in my way where this situation is concerned in terms of leaving, and I am consumed on a daily basis with trying my best to get past them. Anyway... I have wanted to leave for such a long time, although those good moments catch you off guard and then I find myself back to square one and so the vicious cycles goes on and on. For every year that we have been together, I have discovered him finding random women on Facebook and messaging them. The last time was someone he knew and was planning on meeting (honestly I have about 100 screen shots of conversations) I'm drained and I don't trust him, but it is SO hard to go! He also talks down to me at times and I find him so rude. A classic was the other day in front of his parents when I said something and he said you know where the f***g door is! He is not setting the example I want for my daughter but I struggle to go. I guess I just need some words of encouragement that this is the right thing. For the record I have somewhere for me and DD to go, in terms of living. I actually own my own house. The games my brain plays with me, is it reminds me of all the good times and the memories as a family. I just don't know how to end it either? Although, in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't be difficult under the circumstances.

Your poor children. Get away from him. Start walking.. you have to. I wish for you, that you Will get away..

What are you waiting for? You have your own home to move into so that's half the battle won! He's not going to change after 12 years so start preparing to leave.What are the hurdles that you mention that are stopping you? He is verbally abusive, you don't trust him, and he is not a fit role model for your daughter. Just think of her if you find it hard to prioritise yourself!

"Anyway... I have wanted to leave for such a long time, although those good moments catch you off guard and then I find myself back to square one and so the vicious cycles goes on and on"

And it will continue to do so as long as you remain with him for your own reasons. The good moments are really the nice part of the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what are they learning here?. You surely would not want her to be with such a man as an adult but currently you are showing her this abusive treatment of you is acceptable to you.

Speak to Womens Aid for additional support and do not be afraid to move on with your own life.

You say you have your own home; great!. Is this man named on a mortgage document?.

He has no respect for you whatsoever and he is messaging women right under your very nose. You know about this and yet you've stayed so you need to ask yourself why that is.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. It is likely that your own childhood set you up good and proper to be with someone like this man and he targeted you to abuse.

Do enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme going forward and get therapy for your attachment style because your supposed type is not really your type at all. The crap lessons that your parents taught you about relationships also need to be unlearnt in therapy.