Stay at home mums, what does your DH provide to you financially?

[noodletimesthree]

Private pensions?
Savings?
Family money?

Long story short I've realised my high earning husband has his life and finances well and truly sorted. Mine, no so much!! We've been together from when we were young. I just didn't make the best or wisest career/ financial decisions in that I focused primarily on my relationship and put myself and my needs aside for so long..

There are tax efficient ways to hold savings as a married couple, especially when one is a high earner and the other earns zero. You can move money between spouses with no tax implications. So you should both have ISA's and if he's really high earner max out both your ISA's each year £20k each.

You can still get 'stamp' towards your state pension even if you can't claim child benefit. You should check that out for yourself

You can put £2880 into a private SIPP each year and gain the tax relief to boost the amount to £3660. This is tax efficient way of using family money between spouses.

Any savings in high interest accounts would be better off in your name only as the non tax payer. You can earn up to £18k in a year thru interest and not pay tax. £12,500 tax bracket, extra £5000 as you earn under £10k plus the £1000 savings allowance (& there's a couple more things....IFA recently told me this, can't remember the other bits off top of my head)

If there are childcare costs when you go back to work then that is a family cost and he will also need to be flexible when kids are sick / school hols

I’ve only recently gone back to work after a long time as SAHM and earn about 10% of DH’s so not much has changed finance wise. Full access to everything, NI contributions, we both get a certain amount spending money weekly for our own pleasure - things like kids snacks and parking and stuff like that is absolutely not from our fun money accounts 😄 joint account all the way.

I never felt insecure financially because outside of MN, looking at the fully dimensional real-life people we are: 1) we are highly unlikely to get divorced 2) if we do, DH will most likely be decent 3) if he isn’t decent, lawyer/courts will grant me a fair share 4) if he dies I will be absolutely definitely fine (life insurance, obviously, and will and investments/shares).

This isn't 100% true there are a lot of factors that are considered when assets are split, it's not necessarily a 50/50 split.

If his pensions are going to take him into 40% tax bracket, it's better if more pension income came from you (at 0/20% tax)

I'm not sure this is right though. Right now if I put money into my pension it's worth more and while there is a tax consequence on retirement I can't see how you end up better off as a pair. The additional tax efficiency I get now has (in our case) 20 years of compound interest ahead of it. Id rather take that then pay the extra tax back in retirement. DH will have a full state pension so he'll not be a 0% tax payer.

SAHM for 15 years (due to disabled DC). DH is a basic rate taxpayer so not a massively high earner. All money goes into a joint account. I manage all savings/investments in both our names. We pay into a pension for both of us, but more for him because I'm limited to £3600 gross p.a. as a non taxpayer. When we can, we save into ISAs in both our names. Our savings are split pretty equally between us.

You’re not working as a team at all. By being a SAHM, your contribution is a saving in childcare costs and household labour. You should have equal access to what is being brought in. If your husband is saying go back to work, then you should be that comes with the acknowledgement of childcare costs and a split in household labour. Work out who would do what before going back.

Everything is our money. His pay goes into a joint account and from that all bills are paid. Then we both get savings and an "allowance" from that. We both get the same amount. The allowance is for any treats you want to buy yourself, maybe clothes or dinner with friends. All necessary purchases come from the joint account. My pension payments come from the joint account. House in both names, one car in each name.

I think I'd feel resentful if he thought of it as just his money. I have sacrificed so much to have our two beautiful children and my unpaid work is definitely hard work 😂

Childcare is the hardest work (albeit wonderful)

This is brilliant thank you so much for the info.. I've certainly been sleep walking and need to get on this!

We aren't making use of any of my non working status

Sahm here. Dh puts in 450 £ monthly on my card that I use for extra food shops,kids stuff and personal spending (he does one main per week). We are married though so his savings are ours. And he's quite frugal so he doesn't spend more than me on personal stuff. One DS makes it impossible to work because I have to constantly be "on call" for him and he doesn't have a full day in school (SEN).

Full access to all money.

We don't do pensions and don't believe in divorce so those aren't relevant to me.

I was a SAHM for 14 years, since then worked part time, self employed.. I have full access to all the savings and investments, in fact I manage them all.
We use my non tax paying status to redcue tax on interest as DH is a higher rate tax payer. I have a legacy final salary pension from my employer prior to leaving Ft work and NI contributions from those years plus the 12 years my kids were young enough plus the few years I have been self employed. I didn't receive child benefit once the rules changed but you are still entitled to NI stamps until your youngest DC is 12.

When DH retired his pension and mine will be out joint income. It's not 'his' or 'mine'
I supported his career by carrying everything else. That was my job

Fair enough, it may not be a 50/50 split, but the point is that all your assets will be considered together before applying some percentage to divide it. It won't usually make a difference whose name is on the savings account.

Op there is no amount he should put in, it is a personal choice. And if he wants to not support you financially to stay home anymore and for you to work then it is doubtful asking him to now provide a pension will work for you.

i understand you say life was convenient for him, I suspect though from your responses this is what you wished, and the I need to find a job with prospects, you need to get employed, you can move job later, but it sounds like a delay tactic.

both parties need to be behind a person staying home. And that can change over time.

Sorry when I say personal choice, it is his choice, there is nothing he should do, only what he wishes,

Everything. I have access to all accounts (including his personal one if I wanted) and all money. I can spend what I want with no limit (although I will discuss any big purchases with him of course!)