16 years and can’t stop thinking about him

[DaringBird23]

Hello

I need some advice. Its about 16 years now and I cannot forget the man I love. I am happily married with one kid, but I just can’t seem to forget him. I tried to contact him, but I always end up deleting the emails/messages thinking that it might feel odd. He’s married with one kid. Shall I connect with him? Can anyone advise me?

thanks

You do nothing. It won't end well. I'd suggest some therapy and some research on "limerance".

Why did you split up with him?

Why did you marry and have a kid with someone else if he's so marvellous?

What makes you think your contact would be welcomed?

You do nothing OP but work on yourself to understand why you feel this way!

He's married, you need to leave him be. Nothing good can come of you trying to connect with him!

If you're not happy in your relationship sort it or leave, but leave this bloke alone...he's married with kids

Wtf. Do you really have to ask..

It must have ended for a reason, OP, and you must have married and had DC with your DH for reasons. Concentrate on those.

Look up limerence and reflect on why you might be feeling it. It can be to do with emotional neglect in childhood resulting in unmet needs and shaky boundaries. Maybe your current relationship is flat and unsatisfying.

You are not happily married if you are thinking about an ex partner from 16 years ago and insisting that you are still in love with them. You need to sort out your marriage, if that means splitting up then do that and spend some time as a single person and making a new life for yourself before you think about dating again (someone available not a married man).

Nothing good will come from contacting an ex from the past who now has a family of his own.

I am happily married

Are you though? Sounds like you've settled. Happily married people don't long for another

What on earth are you doing contemplating messaging him? No good can come of it.

No, don't contact him.

I had an ex from 20 years ago contact me out of the blue, and it was creepy. Really unsettling to think someone who didn't even know me any more was convinced he was in love with me.

If you were 'happily married' you wouldn't be considering this, so I'd look at what's lacking in your relationship.

He's married, he has a child, people change and he's not the person you knew 16 years ago. Leave him alone.

Would love to know the background to this. I am 28 years down the line and still love an ex.

Don't you just love the idea of him at this stage? Or are you in contact?

The problem is you are probably remembering the good and conveniently forgetting the bad. Or making up extra good which may not have ever happened. Its a fantasy.

Let it go....

Don’t contact him OP. He’ll probably be unsettled and creeped-out. His wife will be unhappy. Just leave him be and work on your relationship.

@category12
In contact. Both single. The split was due to a jealous ex with threats against not letting him see his child.

I would do nothing and enjoy my own marriage.

If I found myself single in the future through bereavement etc, and my ex was then single too I probably would contact him then. But only then.

This happened to me with a childhood sweetheart, who had sadly died in his early 20s. We had been separated at age 8 when I moved schools, and he continued to be my guiding light in my memory for years.

I saw a therapist about it and I was able to process the loss so that it no longer dominated my thinking. I was then able to move on and enjoy my present life.

I think it might have been harder if he hadn't died. That did alter things quite a bit, but it was still very very hard to move on for a long time.