Reconciliation with ex — what to expect?

[emilysgoldskirt]

I just wondered if anyone has ever reconciled with an ex through lots of talking first.

Me and my ex of quite a long time ago have been back in touch. We’re having lots of long phone conversations, essentially about whether to give things another go. We’ve cried and gone over memories, and talked about how it might be… does anyone know what the next thing should be? He’s suggested meeting (we live some distance apart) but we haven’t fixed anything in yet.

I just wondered if anyone had experience they could share. It feels very emotionally mature, and the opposite of jumping in to bed and working it out afterwards. How did you make this work and keep steering it in the right direction?

Sounds like you are approaching it in the right way. Would you meet for coffee first or a few drinks? What broke you up the first place?

We broke up through circumstances really— both posted in different places for work and it fell apart.

There will be people along shortly to tell you that there’s a reason he’s an ex and you would be mad to go there.

But at the end of the day that doesn’t make it black and white.

You’re certainly taking the mature approach to things, but things to consider:

Why did you split in the first place?

Is it something you need to talk about again to make sure it’s resolved or is it something which might have happened if you were e.g. very young at the time?

Sounds positive OP. How far away are you now from each other? Why do you think the distance will work this time around?

Oh, he’s an ex from years ago— but it was a long relationship. So the distance now is a different matter: he’d move to me, if it worked.

It depends really. You say the relationship ended due to circumstances so its a little different than if there was abuse or cheating involved.

Being brutally realistic is key. How come now? What has changed in both of you since parting?
It will never be the relationship you ones had, but a new one. So what each bring to the table emotionally needs to tally up with any expectations you have.

If you two feel you can date, and be a great addition to each others lives now, and leave the past behind, go for it. But if you both are going to attempt to take up where you left off, it will potentially fail.

Keep on talking, but with an open mind. Its easy to see the past as the perfect picture, only to realise, realistically it was perhaps not so rosy?

Me and my finance are getting married in September and it will be our 10 year anniversary. We got together when I was younger for a while but we both weren’t on the same stages of life. We ended it amiably and went our separate ways. 2.5 years later we ended up back in contact and have been inseparable ever since. Back then it just didn’t work for various reasons but we grew and came back together. We have 2 young kids (6&2) and it was 100% the best decision to give it another go. Just take it slow and hope it works out for you!

Thanks, @TheseBootsAreWalking. Your comment has really helped me to understand why we’re talking so much now, and why we seem to be talking through all sorts of knotty things. We’re basically going over the whole relationship and a lot that’s happened since, trying to get the measure of each other. I had worried it was actually making me very unattractive! He’s driving it to be like that. There was nothing bad that ended it, just living in different places for a bit and I ended it because I missed him too much, essentially.

Congratulations, @Mamabear487. That’s a nice one.

I definitely think it can work if you can address any underlying issues and see it as a brand new relationship.

My husband and I broke up after 2 years of dating, then a year later we got back together. It's 21 years since we first met now, happily married, 2 kids.

My cousin ended up marrying her first boyfriend (dated when they were 18 - broke up due to distance as they went to different unis far a part), she had a 4 year relationship with someone else (no cross overs!) They are now married with 2 kids.