Consumed by anger

[User3972649]

Please be kind - looking for helpful advice. My DP is divorced with 2 children, 50:50 split (not court ordered) and reasonably amicable (EXW affair she works hard to keep hidden)

Despite shared custody arrangement, life often leans in EXW favour which is sometimes situational but also via emotional manipulation. DH has worked hard to manage this better after years of saying yes to anything requested to keep the peace

I’m feeling angry about all the imbalance in the past and how it affects our life now. There has been so much unfairness and manipulation with the fear of losing 50:50 access as a hanging threat from EXW. He is resigned to it saying being angry just makes it worse. I wasn’t involved in the past so not my concern but I’m feeling more and more angry at the often small wins EXW regularly gets. It’s the cumulative effect

it’s not my pain to feel but I’m taking it onboard and I don’t know why or how to stop

Your partner would be better off getting the agreement decided in court. It might help to take a step back so it doesn't effect you so much.

I am hearing and feeling you. I could have written this myself, except my dp only gets eow and to see them once mid week as the ex w moved far away with affair partner and got married : My dp is a sensitive and gentle soul and I feel so helpless watching him go through this. I feel angry too.

It’s making me a bitter person - I don’t want to be this way.
@username299 the threat is implied and not often said. There are fears that he would not maintain 50:50 if he went to court so keeps quiet to ensure he gets what he feels is a good deal compared to most. Also, the outward view is very happy so the children would be devastated

Get some legal advice. You can pm me as I don’t want to disclose details on mn.

Concentrate on the happiness tbe 50/50 gives him and his dc. You are not in competition with his ex, you're his current partner, she's his dcs mother. Different roles. Step to one side, it's on him to feel the anger/annoyance whatever.

Got no advice I’m afraid, but yes, the women usually hold the power when it comes to custody etc.

She was exceptionally cruel in her affair and has hidden her behaviour to create this positive reputation. She acts in a very entitled manner and always seems to come out on top to DP’s detriment. There is no humility and it makes my blood boil as we all smile sweetly

He needs a formal separation agreement so she stops hanging this over him. If she doesn't sign it then court. He can't live his life as her hostage. What age are the kids? They'll vote with their feet soon enough