DC saying he is scared of me

[noodletimesthree]

To cut a long story short

Lately, whenever my son stays at my MIL house he comes home saying things like 'you are always cross' and 'I am scared of you'.

When I gently probe or quiz about why he said that he says he 'doesn't know why he has said it' he has also been called me his 'granny' which is what he calls her..

She has never liked me or supported me, in fact I think she wants me out of her son's (my DH) life even though we been married over 10 years.

She recently asked to take my son away on holiday with my husband (said it to him not me) and DH asked me if that was ok, I said 'no he's a bit too young' he is age 6 years.

I've never felt trusting of her.. I can't work out what's going on but something really off about it all.. DH seems quite oblivious saying son just wants attention..

My gut feeling and intuition is saying not to trust this lady..

What can I do.. she's in our lives and sees my son every 2 weeks..

She's also pushing my DH for another grandchild.. ? Probably so she can take away my DS..

I learned about it in the context of sexual abuse. This person I have contact with didn't hurt me like that - but someone did. It is often dismissed as made up stories or false accusations, but with young children it's processing. Yes, it is false in that instance - but looks beyond that and it actually happened to them at some point. I then noticed it in with small children being afraid that"Daddy would get angry and shout" when Daddy had never ever raised his voice. Someone in the extended family had though. Turned out that the mother's side had very different child rearing styles.

Once you know about it you see it played out lots in different situations. In this situation I'd say your safest option is to expect that your child is telling you something. Not that Granny is poisoning him against you, that's a bit meta for this age. Just that what he is afraid of has happened before.

OP

Am sorry to read about your late father in
law. I only asked after him as he was not mentioned.

You all need to stay away from your MIL as she is frankly not a safe person to be at all around. It may well be she has sone form/s of untreated and untreatable personality disorder/s. Regardless of why she acts like this it’s not your fault. Emotionally healthy people do not behave like she does. You’re the parents here and what you say goes re your child and you. She cannot and must not dictate your lives.

It's reassuring that you're going to stop these visits.
I really hope you can can talk to your DH and help him see how awful she is ideally he needs therapy to help him.