How do you get over family betrayal and being pushed out?

[Endofmytether2025]

NC for this as would be outing.
Over past years, there has been lots of family drama and fall outs between siblings and elderly parents caught in the middle.
I can't give specific details, but the last installment was directed at me and my family with young children. My parents have supported me (up to a point) as it was very obvious I was being scapegoated and had done nothing to warrant the treatment I received. Whilst my parents know and have said I am not to blame, they have wanted to "stay out of things" which has meant they were able to maintain their relationship with siblings' families. I do NOT want, nor ever wanted, my parents to choose between us, but I have been resentful and hurt that they haven't objected to how I've been treated - it was serious enough for my doctor to refer me for counselling. The behaviour has largely been ignored as though everyone pretending it didnt happen. I have therefore stayed away from everyone to protect my own sanity and to protect my children from such awful behaviour, but this has been a shock to rest of wider family.
I wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation? If so, how did you ever manage to get past this or resume any sort of relationship with parents?

Just to be clear, all your siblings have all scapegoated you and are blaming you for something, but your parents won't get involved? I can understand why they are wary of making judgements as no doubt they are still wanting a relationship with their other children and are worried they may be given the same treatment. It's good they have supported you but are most likely fearful of being excluded from your siblings lives. What sort of issues have you been blamed for and have you tried approaching your siblings individually to try to resolve things?

I think you're right, this is helpful, thank you.
It's one sibling's family, cant give details on specifics as all too personal and will be outing, but basically assassinated my character with absolute lies. Very hard to forgive or get past. Then tries to blame me and my family for the drama. These are obvious lies to my parents (or anyone who knows me) which is why they obviously support me. I'm not interested in maintaining relationship with sibling family - sibling has suggested to parents that they would like to talk to resolve things (obviously know what they've done is wrong) but I want a clean break from this kind of thing, just want to maintain parental relationship.
Should also add that I live far away from them all, so think it's easy to blame someone who isn't around.

Used the word scapegoated because whenever someome causes new trouble, other siblings rake up old grievances and unneccessary drama that has no relevance to current situation.
Hence me just staying away, I've had enough of such behaviour. Other siblings not close to one another in relationship, but all live geographically close

I have and am in a very similar situation. Scapegoated for mistakes they have made, admittedly I'm not perfect and have given them some grief over the years, but I suspect a lot is down to a stressful upbringing.

Honestly, I've not really done anything other than cut all contact with parents and sibling. It hurts, horribly but I think just protecting yourself and your kids is the priority.

Just try to stay strong, don't blame yourself and vent to those who you are close to.

Thank you so much for this. It really helps. This is where we are at now really. However, i feel in a lose-lose situation. Miss my parents who are elderly - who knows how long they have left? But equally each time we're in contact they do dismiss my feelings or pretend things haven't happened to try to minimise the situation which is awful, so my default is to stay away. Both bad situations.

I'm really sorry you're going through same problems, it's soul destroying and i hope you find peace with it all 💐

Thanks for clarifying OP, l think for your own mental health focus on the fact that your parents believe and support you, this should be your priority. I'd go no contact with the sibling who caused the initial trouble and low contact with your other brothers and sisters. Concentrate on a good relationship with your parents and let the rest of them get on with it!

It happens to a lot of people I think, sadly. So please don't think you're alone, not that it is much consolation. Just many plod along and tolerate each other for the sake of it. However once it's toxic then it's toxic.

I think as you miss them you'd never see them in a fix, which is great, they're lucky to have someone who still wants to be around despite all the challenges you're facing. Plus you never know, the situation could, and hopefully will change for the better for you all.

Sending my best with your challenges too!