Ex that still likes to control.

[Sparkzz]

Does anyone have any experience of an ex not wanting the kids overnight to “punish you?” (He openly admitted this was the reason) My ex always made it clear to me he didn’t want to have the kids overnight so I don’t get a life to myself, just wondered if anyone else experienced this? I see so many dads fighting to have their kids overnight so I find this quite odd that he would not want to so he can get at me. Anyone been through this? Is it a common thing, doesn’t seem to be..

Im sure there are lots of other guys that play games like that. 🙁. Does he pay maintenance? I’d take the wind out of his sails and say you are glad, you absolutely love having your children there every night.

My sister went through this with her daughters father. She played the reverse psychology tactic on him, made out she was thrilled about it because "he'd never manage on his own" anyway and suddenly he was falling over himself to have her overnight and on weekends to prove he could do it.

I'm not suggesting that, but it worked for my sister, depends if your ex is as easily manipulated.

What's prick. I hope he has a decent job so you can use child maintenance for regular babysitting.

You neeed to use reverse psychology about how much you need them with you at night and please promise not to take them for sleepovers

I know someone whose ex played games like this. It's an incredibly unhealthy dynamic for everyone involved, including the kids.

You have to grey rock a bit and disengage from it. You have to be extremely firm with pre-agreed times that he is having them and that you are having them, and if he deviates from that, you don't argue with him, you go straight to social services.

It really is the only way to deal with guys like this.

Unfortunately he wouldn’t buy that

But what happens when he's 'proven' himself? He goes back to how he is now? Or starts playing another weird control game?

And what is happening to the kids in all of this - how are they feeling, being pawns in this ridiculous stand off between their parents?

Set firm boundaries, stick to them, and if he fucks around then you simply get social services involved and get a court order. The children need to know where they stand, who they are going to be with and when.

He is cash in hand so no maintenance sadly so not even another avenue to explore (the more he has them the less he pays)

Tell him no problem, they are staying the entire weekend at insert friend/grandparent as you are heading out!

as much as I would love him to believe that he knows me far too well to know that neither of those would be true (for example I don’t have contact with my mother)