Wish I had been aware enough to recognise the signs. Just divorced my abusive ex but I am a shell of the person I once was. I am working on overcoming this and hope to recover fully but I wish I had left six months into the relationship not stuck it out another 15 years! I remember lying beside him when I was twenty and a size 6 with his grabbing my tum and saying that wasn’t there before. I wasn’t overweight but even if I had been, what a horrid thing to say. Also came to visit me in my university halls and instead of wanting to meet my friends and see where I had been hanging out etc. the plans I had for us; he pressurised me into giving him oral sex whilst everyone else was in the house. I went along with it but inside I was thinking, what the hell am I doing. I was really confident at this stage too so I suppose I was thinking I still have some control. He was also so charming on the outside especially to my family. I did go travelling for year pre engagement and he didn’t come. I honestly thought that I may have been free then but he proposed during my year away and I went home, married him and had children. When the babies were born, the abuse was continual. Emotional and degrading in many ways but still to outsiders he was charming and I was becoming a shell. I am free now and my children are safe and happy but he still is Mr Charming and I am terrified of him and how duplicitous he is.
Back to my original point, I wished I had known the signs. I never knew my father so I think it goes some way in explaining.
I am in therapy and I am regaining my voice and strength.
Thanks for reading.