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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friendship - to cut ties?

6 replies

HappyCrab · 25/01/2025 16:52

So DH and I have been party of a friendship group with 2 other families for many years. Met through the kids when they were babies and they are all grown up now.
We spent most weekends and lots of holidays all together through their childhood. All felt equal - nobody closer than anybody else. We all enjoyed being together and came as a package. Kids were all best of friends too.
Since the kids have grown up ours have moved away but theirs have stayed local and still knock about together so for us ties have loosened a bit as we don't have the kids in common any more.
But over the past year or so we are feeling increasingly left out. When we get together it's clear they've all met up in between, although they do try to play it down but when you're sensitive it's there to see. And we often feel like a bit of an after thought when we are invited these days. "We" are going do you want to come? And sometimes we are just not invited at all to stuff with other mutual friends where we absolutely would have been part of the gang before.
I'm sure it all sounds quite petty from me but there's a definite change the air. And I'm wrestling with whether to drift off because I feel rubbish when we are left out or to cling on because we have so much shared history.
The only thing that's changed that I can see is that we don't have the kids in common any more.
They say friends are for a season, reason or lifetime. I'm getting the feeling this friendship was for a season. The child rearing season.
I think I've answered my own question! Just looking for anybody that's been through similar and did you regret drifting off?

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 25/01/2025 17:02

Some friends last for many decades and are cherished. Others come and go throughout various stages of life.

Just go with what makes you comfortable. 🙂

ShakeyPinkZebra · 25/01/2025 17:04

They say friends are for a season, reason or lifetime I’ve never heard this but it’s 100% true!!

IsawwhatIsaw · 25/01/2025 19:44

If you feel worse after seeing them, it’s not good. Friendships change. i stopped seeing 2 friends who would talk a lot about things they were both doing together. I had nothing to contribute.
if there’s one family you get on better with, could you suggest just seeing them?
otherwise sounds like this friendship may have run its course….

twinklehastwonkled · 25/01/2025 20:32

We were part of a group who hit it off , went camping , holidays , meals and such
Their children stayed friends , our dd ( now 17 ) didn't have anything in common with others so we didn't get invited to things .
Now we occasionally get together and "adult" but not often . I think it's natural

SunflowerTed · 25/01/2025 22:32

It might be time to find new friends… friendships change and you shouldn’t spend time with people who make you feel excluded or bad. Drift away x

HappyCrab · 25/01/2025 22:43

Thanks all.
One of the friends is trying her best to hold us all together but it's not the same. The other family don't seem bothered about us at all anymore and we are reticent because we know we'll feel a bit awkward and on the edge of things. I think she knows that.

And she's the one person I'd be really sad to lose touch with completely.
Short of being really awful and explaining we don't want to see the others but would like to keep in touch with you, I can't see how we can gently drift away other than completely from the group as a whole which is really sad. But we had a meet up today, against our better judgement. And DH and I have been dissecting it for the whole afternoon and feel rubbish. So I think when it's sapping energy like that it's time to move on :(

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