My partner and I are 50 years old with a 13year old daughter.
We seem to be increasingly at odds with each other.
Main sources of disagreements are parenting style and enforcing boundaries and progressing with house maintenance.
Current examples:
- A year ago we got our child a smart phone. I painstakingly installed some screens on this and have Family link installed on my phone to ensure there are limits within use of apps and downloads.
Daughter understood, and so did partner.
In spite of this my daughter accesses my partners phone frequently, usually to play games or continue use when her use has exceeded the limit on her own phone.
I feel it undermines my /our authority. I have calmly explained this to my partner to no avail, and I frequently get cross and frustrated with him because of it. Of course, she sides with him.
And I often can't effectively implement consequences to any of my daughters poor behaviour as he undermines it and allows her the very thing that I have confiscated for example.
- The house is in desperate need of costly maintenance jobs..ie replacement windows and roof repair. For 3 years we have talked about moving home and he says he sees no reason to get these jobs done if we are to move anyway. I understand this, however measures to move never seem to get off the ground either and we're having another winter with cold draughty windows and a roof issue. The house looks unloved and will obviously look in need of these jobs when /if we get any viewings should we sell up.
I have had quotes for said jobs, only to find him then refusing to contribute financially to getting them done citing we don't need them doing as he can do them himself or that we don't need them doing as we are going to move. He is very capable of doing smaller maintenance jobs himself and often has weeks at a time between his job contracts. However he never embarks on getting them done himself. And I cannot fully afford to get them doing without his financial help.
I'm going round in circles, getting increasingly angry with him.
Last year I initiated couples counselling- but I was so depressed I ended up just having counselling alone (and exhausted the allowed annual quota for counselling). I am now going to try again and this week told him I have applied ( to which he rolled his eyes)
I'm at a loss. We have shared ownership of the house, but if we sell up and separate neither of us has quite enough to buy separately.
I works as many hours as I can but am a low earner. He is a higher earner but doesn't manage his money well, ( self employed, no pension- long unplanned breaks between contracts).
He is clearly unhappy. He frequently moans about everyday chores . He says his life lacks excitement (he makes no attempt to getting a social circle or involved in any groups or sport). O and he says he is very unhappy with the lack of sex... I basically am so frustrated and unhappy I can't even think of it. During arguments he often rants about this and that he wants to "f off to Thailand" or that I'm materialistic (this has got to be a joke).
The only thing he willingly contributes to is cooking and ferrying our daughter to various clubs. Life is hard when he works away as I struggle with keeping on top of home, work and my daughters needs. I don't wish to be identified by details but suffice to say we have quite a talented daughter who needs to travel a distance to get to a particular club twice a week (she hard won a place there).
I feel my head is in a vice and I can no longer see a way out. I totally dread moving into rented accommodation at 50 (i probably can't afford it anyway).