Is this just normal in a long term relationship?

[sulkysally]

Me and DH have been together for 20+ years. We’re often in a situation where one of us is annoyed with the other one, there’s a lot of low level bickering and we only really communicate to talk about the kids/money/domestic issues. It’s not fun, but it’s not awful either.

I was listening to a podcast with Gabby & Kenny Logan. They were sort of bickering throughout (she’d done more Christmas prep than him, he felt she was nagging etc.) then I went to stay with friends (a couple) who’ve also been together for a long time and they were also niggling at each other for the whole weekend (he didn’t like the way she portrayed him to her friends, she was annoyed that he wasn’t pulling his weight around the house). It got me thinking, is this just how it is in long term relationships?

20yrs here too. After seeing GPs and Ps bickering I decided I wouldn’t and couldn’t live like that. So no, we don’t bicker. It isn’t healthy, it’s very toxic. It would tire me out.

Id say we might have 2 or 3 disagreements in a year. We identify them, sit and talk them through properly when they happen and resolve them.

Not normal for us.

We've been together 28 years. We never bicker and can't bear listening to other couples that do. We argue sometimes of course, maybe once a month max.

Married 24 years and we don’t bicker, never have. It’s a conscious choice, neither of us want that atmosphere. We both grew up with parents who didn’t get along and it’s a horrible way to live. I also hate it when couples do that jokey he/she is so bad at whatever in public. I don’t find it cute, to me it’s so disloyal. Luckily DH feels the same way and is very respectful.

i think bickering with your other half is like fighting with your siblings when you were kids. It’s not that you don’t love them it’s just that living with anyone they’re bound to get on your nerves. Same with flatmates. Domestic stuff irritates people.

People saying it’s not healthy….I think it depends. If all you do is bicker and there’s never any good/fun times then yes this is probably a problem. But I’d rather bicker then have a laugh about how trivial what we’re bickering about is rather than let small irritations build up to a massive tow or worse still, nor communicate about them at all.