Constant racist commentary

[thankginitsfriday]

WWYD if...
You had a family member who feels the need to make constant racist (as well as anti Semetic and Islamophobic, not to mention homophobic remarks). All the time. Few examples:
A "non-white" newsreader on TV.... Feels the need to do a running commentary on everything about the person's name, appearance and perceived religion.
When talking about mundane everyday interactions in shops etc... Feels the need to preface it with "A black woman helped in onto the bus today..." Why not just a woman? Why would her colour/race be relevant? We live in a large town with a large ethnic and racial mix. It's not unusual to see black people or other ethnic and religious groups.
I'm finding this family member increasingly annoying. They are retired, rarely leaving the house (one a week for shopping usually, or medical appointments), and basically spend 12 plus hours per day glued to GB News. The person is full of conspiracy theories about how "the Muslims are taking over and trying to turn the UK into a Shariah state..." and "how schools are encouraging all kids to be trans/gay/whatever "else"." The family member's spouse is unfortunately very easily-led and likes to "keep the peace", and so doesn't have the confidence to "challenge" the bigotry or take any kind of a stand. I'm seeing the spouse get slowing worn down and eroded, they used to be a tolerant, open-minded person who had travelled all over the world (even lived abroad when younger), but now they just sit motionless and unresponsive in silence as the racist one "takes over" every single news programme, documentary etc. I'm concerned that the passive one is being slowly brainwashed as they have been coming out with some quite out of character things in recent months.

There's usually a grain of truth in every 'conspiracy theory'. I'd try to keep that in mind while you, quite rightly, feel concerned over other aspects of your family member's views.

I think a lot of us are seeing this up close, or know of couples like this. GB News whilst not entirely to blame has a lot to answer for - it means people can just sit in front of it all day listening to a constant source of bile.
I feel sorry for the passive spouse here who probably just wants a quiet life but will also be hugely embarrassed.
They also sound isolated because if Racist Rhonda/Raymond started speaking like that in public/social situations at some point they would be challenged.
People like this often live in fear, they are bored, they cling to the past and they also feel that suddenly they are part of a new gang - Eamonn Holmes leading the charge.
What can you do? Not a lot. Of course you can try and challenge the racist relative but once they are stuck in that groove it’s hard to even have an even balanced conversation.
What I would do is take their spouse out for a coffee - find a good excuse - and ask them how they are, as they are living with it, and it must be awful.
You could cut them out if your lives if you wanted to, but it sounds like there is a person here you care about who is living under the shadow of someone with a very nasty streak.
As a little aside my mum had a relative like this. When my mum died, my dad (who couldn’t stand her) said he felt a bit sorry for her, and would I take him to see her? I agreed. I picked my dad up and he had a flowered shirt on he usually kept for holidays, and a load of aftershave.
As Jean brought in a pot of tea, and started one of her lectures my dad said…
Jean, I never wanted to say while Sheila was alive, but I’ve decided to come out. I’ve met a lovely man at a Jamaican steel band I’ve joined 😂
He was 80 at the time. Laughed his head off all the way home and said he didn’t give a toss who Jean told.
I have to say…. I loved him for it!

I'd tell them to stop chatting such offensive racist crap. And avoid them like the plague!

This sounds exactly what someone who believes in these conspiracy theories would say

That's fine. I'm really not a raving, racist fruitcake despite what your suspicious might be, but we'll agree to disagree with the greatest of respect to you.

Please provide examples of 'conspiracy theories' that have a grain of truth in them. Said 'grain of truth' should be verified by regulated media or peer reviewed science.

I agree, I mean look at the conspiracy theory that Australia doesn’t exist

I'm sorry for this, but I don't have to provide you with anything. I'm not asking you to buy into anything of what I think.

Conspiracy theories the gift that keeps giving. It's like that bit in the life of Brian only the true messiah denies his divinity.

The covid lab leak was initially dismissed as a conspiracy theory. Most of them are rubbish but you have to consider the merits of each one before you dismiss it out of hand.

As for the family member. If they are saying horrible things and won’t stop I’d just avoid.

Of course you don't. But if you truly believe this view to be credible advice you can't expect it to go unchallenged. They're called conspiracy theories for a reason.

Just as reminder you are saying that EVERY conspiracy theory has a grain of truth. You are also saying that OP should "keep that in mind while you, quite rightly, feel concerned over other aspects of your family member's view".

Quite a sweeping statement when you didn't have to comment at all, but if you aren't able to defend it......

Sorry to interrupt

how does that one work?!

"usually"

I'm not sure racism and conspiracy theories are always the same thing. The latter is definitely turbocharged by social media. Former has unfortunately been with us since the dawn of time and is harder to spot. Unless your relative is just spouting blatant prejudice, of course

I said 'usually' not 'every'.....

If this is completely out of character for the ranting bigot, then I'd wonder about dementia. My aunt turned into a nasty piece of work a few years before her diagnosis.

Their spouse, who is well travelled and tolerant, would hardly have married someone like that so they must have changed.

Having said that, the rise in support for far right ideology has been driven by a constant drip feed on social media and MSM.

This ...

I stand corrected - but usually is a pretty extensive term to so my comment still stands.

I've never tried to measure it so wouldn't personally have claimed 'usually'. But a quick Google shows plenty of people saying that, including misinformation researchers and the BBC. So it's, at the very least, not a claim worthy of aggressive scorn. (At least, not unless you bring some other evidence).

What would happen if you challenged them when they come out with this racist/anti-semitic/homophobic shite?

If it would be completely pointless, just stop visiting/contacting them. Obviously, this would be easier if this is a more distant relative such as an aunt or uncle but less straightforward if this is a parent.

Call them out. Every time!
Did you mean to be so racist... Every time

No there isn't!

To most conspiracy theories having some truth - well that’s clearly not correct. I do agree that each one should be considered on their own merits though - and most likely dismissed. Eg flat earth, Australia doesn’t exist, aliens living amongst us….

op as for your family member - avoid them and if you need to be around you should vocalise your thoughts

letting them spit out their vitriol without challenge isn’t enough

I would call them out every single time. “Why does it matter that the woman who helped you onto the bus was black”? Or try to make them see how ridiculous it is “There was a really nice white woman on the till at Tesco today”.

I wouldn't see them at all. If I could help it.