It had only been going on for about three months but we exchanged messages every day - first thing, lunch breaks, after work, evening. Obviously far too much for that type of situation, but he seemed to be the instigator and the messages really brightened up my day. Making it into a proper relationship was never on the table for either of us, for a number of reasons, and we would often remind each other of this.
Without going too far into it, things have changed over the last few weeks and I basically fucked it by letting my feelings get in the way of the fun. I ended things this morning and I know it was the right thing (eg. I sent a message a fair bit shorter than this post explaining how I felt and what my reasons were, and he responded by saying "well I'm not reading all of that").
Even though I would never want a relationship with him, I feel so unbelievably sad that I've ruined something that was so fun and that made me happier than I have been in a very long time. I haven't moped around like this since I was a teenager and I feel like I might never be happy again (I know, I'm being totally ridiculous)
I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life either. I just feel so bloody sad. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I just need to get it off my chest I suppose. Argh why am I such an idiot :'(