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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Health scare ended relationship

15 replies

Beagle16 · 24/01/2025 15:28

So Iv been seeing the guy for the last 5 months. We both have a little trauma from past relationships, his involved having a breakdown. He'd been single 6 years, myself 7 years so we were both being cautious but the relationship flowed naturally. A few weeks into it he asked if we were official so I agreed and everything seemed good. He met my kids, I met his family, I'd stay at his once a week and he'd come over mine once a week. Since we've known each other, he's had a lot of drama with his youngest due to their mental health. Last week he got referred to the cancer clinic and had a blood test. The blood test came back as a mild abnormality with his liver with no immediate concern. Then on the weekend things really kicked off with his youngest and his ex. I tried to be supportive, things seemed normal between us. But yesterday out of the blue he messages me saying he can't be in the relationship anymore, needs to focus on his health and his youngest and get his stress levels down. Obviously I don't want things to end. But I genuinely don't know what to do. I asked to speak to him but he replied saying he doesn't think that's a good idea just yet as I'd persuade him to change his mind. To me that feels like he wants me to change his mind. Am I wrong? I need help and advise

OP posts:
Vertigo2851 · 24/01/2025 15:36

Just accept it.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 24/01/2025 15:38

Don't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

BilboBlaggin · 24/01/2025 15:43

He needs space to deal with his child who has MH problems. Leave him alone to deal with whatever is going on. Sounds like he doesn't have the capacity to nurture a relationship as well as handle his personal issues.

MaryGreenhill · 24/01/2025 15:54

I think you have had a lucky escape OP

TattoedLady · 24/01/2025 15:54

Gently, it’s irrelevant if you don’t want things to end, he’s already ended it. Let go and move on.

2025willbemytime · 24/01/2025 15:56

Meeting kids just weeks in is bonkers. Leave him be. He's either telling the truth or lying. Either way you need to accept it.

TwistedWonder · 24/01/2025 15:56

TattoedLady · 24/01/2025 15:54

Gently, it’s irrelevant if you don’t want things to end, he’s already ended it. Let go and move on.

This. He may be letting you down gently using his health as an excuse.

Accept it’s over and move on

outerspacepotato · 24/01/2025 16:02

No, he doesn't want you trying to change his mind.

You introduced your kids way too fast in a rushed relationship and there are mental and physical health issues he needs to focus on now, not a new GF of a few months.

Namechange2272 · 24/01/2025 16:17

MaryGreenhill · 24/01/2025 15:54

I think you have had a lucky escape OP

I have to say I agree with this

Kbroughton · 24/01/2025 16:17

WAAAAYYYY too much drama for the first five months! I say this from experience of my chaotic marriage of 12 years, which now I look back had drama from day 1 pretty much. My relationship of three years now has had hardly any, which is normal. The first five months should be all day dreamy and lovely, not jumping really quickly into intense issues. Let it go. And slow it down next time, enjoy the early months, there's time enough for drama!

Mrsttcno1 · 24/01/2025 16:19

Accept his decision and walk away.

LifeExperience · 24/01/2025 16:19

Accept the end of the relationship and move on.

thebignewtvsbroken · 24/01/2025 16:24

"were both being cautious but the relationship flowed naturally. A few weeks into it he asked if we were official so I agreed and everything seemed good. He met my kids, I met his family,"

Read what you've written.

Way too much, way too soon.

Let him go. He's ended it.

Bittenonce · 24/01/2025 16:40

He's not ready for a relationship. Maybe after so long, he never will be

mollymazda · 24/01/2025 16:44

so you've been seeing someone for 5 months... and you've already introduced the kids? red flag number one!.. what was the issue with his youngest child and the ex?

this relationship has gone way too quickly.. i wonder if either of you are really ready for a relationship?

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