Saw my abuser today

[Huffleruff]

My mother. Who i am NC with.

We live in a large town, she lives one side of town and i live the other. About 4/5 miles apart. I guess it was inevitable at some point I'd see her somewhere.
But i'm always very careful not to go to places I think she'd be.
We live close to Lidl, it's where I shop all the time. There's another one on that side of town, I don't go to. She's really got no reason to be at my local supermarket, although I appreciate it's not mine, I don't have rights over it and anyone can go anywhere they wish to.
But she has no reason. Its 5 miles out of her way and 4 miles away from the exact same shop closer to her home. She never went to my local previously, shes doing it because she wants to see me.
When she saw me, she just stopped and stared at me in the car park with a smirk on her face. Like she'd caught me.
I wish she'd just leave me alone. There is more to the story, in the past she's driven into the cul de sac we live in, just stared at the house, turned round and driven away. She never does anything else, she just likes me to know she's found me, she knows where I am.
I'm in my 30s and feel like a scared child whenever this happens. I know it's silly but I find it debilitating to be honest.
Ugh. I don't know why I'm posting 😕

HUGE HUG @Huffleruff

how are you feeling? A bit shaken?

that’s ok, it’s understandable. Breathe.

you’re not that little girl any more, you got away, you’re safe. Sure she can stand there and smirk, but let her smirk. You won, you left her behind.

have you had therapy? It’ll really help.

im NC with my mother, I saw her 18m ago tho at a funeral

I knew she’d be there, she didn’t know I would, and actually she didn’t even recognise me/my son (it’s been 10 years) she was on the back foot. I realised that she has no power over me, that everything is on my terms and her husband is still a massive dick

the way I think about her now is totally different. I wish this for you. It’s freedom.

we’re here for you. Let us help you. You’re not alone love!

@MzHz

Thank you so much for the response. Yes, I am shaken. I cried as I made my way out of the car park, i feel ridiculous to let her have that power.

I realise how pathetic i must sound, but shes now seen my car, which is new, and she'll have noted the reg down.
I find myself asking why she just can't go away and leave us alone.
Just phoned my husband and told him i'm done, I want to move.

I do need therapy, I know that. I've gone to many times but feel nervous about bringing up old feelings and rehashing my past.

I feel so sad for you. What a total cow she is. Do go to therapy and bite the bullet. And with the therapist find a way to reclaim your power. Bless you x

Why does it matter that she’s seen your car? What’s she likely to do with that information

what power do you think she has over you?

you’re an adult, she can’t hurt you anymore

I guess it's because she'll recognise it now. I just don't want her following me, having tabs on where I go. When she didn't know I had a different car, she wouldn't have recognised me, it gave me a bit of anonymity.
It's stupid, I know. I feel stupid for letting it upset me.
I realise she can't do much, but I know she's there. Making me feel intimidated.

You're not stupid

But you are wrong imo not to seek help for these feelings

Your mother can't hurt you any more. She can't. But you believe she can

That's what therapy will help you change

Once you believe the truth, that she can't hurt you.....your life will change