It's dead, isn't it?

[ItSnowsIntheSouth]

Was talking to DH about our relationship. Lamented that next year is our 20th wedding anniversary. DH couldn't look me in the eye. He struggled to say anything positive about our nearly 2 decade marriage. It's over, isn't it? He's checked out massively. I called him out on the fact he couldn't look at me; filled with excuses. I can't believe I've put up with this for so long.

Is this a recent development? Is he normally enthusiastic about your relationship?

Do you think he's been unfaithful all that time? Is that why he couldn't look at you?

@username299 you’re working hard tonight ! you are like the lady with the lamp making sure everyone is comfortable.

@username299 No it's not. I just haven't asked, because I haven't wanted to know the answer...

@LostittoBostik I know he was unfaithful 6 years ago. We supposedly worked things out. Looking at him now he despises me..

I'm sorry, that's tough. It's a very lonely place to be. 💐

😇

Indeed it is.

How do you feel about him @ItSnowsIntheSouth? You must have been detaching to some extent if you've been observing all this from him?

What do you need from him right now?

First, without considering other factors (kids, money etc), ask yourself what you want with him going forward, then ask him the same question. The answers will guide you.

Did he admit being unfaithful or did you find out and confront? I’m so sorry this happened to you.

it’s heartbreaking - I know how that feels.

How did he try to make amends? I only ask these questions because I guess I compare to my own situation (exH had an affair for over six months with a friend). We ‘tried’ but I realised he just wasn’t committed to it.

I realise it’s a shock to you and you’re grieving your relationship, but it might be time to think about walking away. I started again and it was very hard financially. But emotionally when the grief was gone I felt a weight had been lifted.

You deserve more than what he gives you. Not all men are like him and you deserve to be loved.

Have you got children and how would you be financially without him?
I'm extremely unhappy in my relationship of nearly 20 years but have two children with SEN and haven't really worked the last few years as had to give up to support them more.
So I know things aren't always easy when people say you might be best to separate.