Is my partner controlling?

[Sassyb80]

I have been with my current partner 7 years, he was great when we first met and probably for the first few years until we moved in together. We have a child together but are now on the verge of splitting up.
if we fall out he'll tell me l'll never cope on my own & have I actually thought what life would be like without him. He hates that I go to my Mums quite a lot through the day with our son when he’s at work he says all you do is go to your mothers telling the tale if we fall out,
because I went to work for my dad years ago with my brother he says I’ve done nothing with my life and I’ll just end up working back there cos I can’t do anything else. When I said that I could possibly go back working in the travel agents he said would I really want to do a job like that.
He’s very lord of the manor he pay’s the mortgage therefore he can do what he wants! if I try to say he’s like this he says I’m a negative person and I always look on the negative side.
he won’t let our son come out of his cot till he’s out of nappies as he says he’s still a baby for wearing them and only big boys sleep in a big boys beds.
If I’m upset in an argument he never shows remorse or feels bad for upsetting me he will just keep chipping away at me when he can see how physically upset I am.

I’ve just been reading about controlling partners as my partner is showing red flags. it sounds like your partner is making you second guess yourself about getting a job ?

Control vs. Care

• If his behavior feels like he’s deliberately withdrawing or being passive-aggressive, it could be an attempt to regain control by making you second-guess yourself. This isn’t a healthy dynamic.
• On the other hand, if he’s just overwhelmed or struggling emotionally, his actions might reflect his own inability to process feelings—though it still doesn’t excuse disrespect

There's an article - I think it was by Zawn - that abusers can hide their true colours for 1 - 3 years. He knows what he is doing and his intention is to belittle you and control you. He'd also use therapy against you, by the sound of him.
Make yourself a plan, see a solicitor (esp regarding whether you should stay in the house when you split), how you'd cover bills.
Kids learn from what they see, so dont hesitate, or wait and see. If you position it as a trial separation to get some space, you'd realise how wonderful it is to be free x

I am surprised that the title of the thread is "Is my partner controlling?". I think that your partner is abusive and very toxic.

Whether he's controlling or not doesn't really matter does it (although financially it does sound like he may well be)? He's making you miserable.

Telling you you can't cope on your own
Criticising you for spending time with your family
Criticising your choice of work
Belittling your skills
Making you second guess yourself if you remind him you have other career options
Keeping himself in a position where he feels he can call the shots financially
Calling you negative if you ask for an equal say in family financial choices
Never apologising
Keeping on when he's already upset you

None of these are the behaviours of a loving husband and life partner.

How old is your son? Your husband is showing every sign of expanding those abusive behaviours towards him too. Get both of you out of there before he convinces you he's right about you not having other options.

Have a read of this

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

he won’t let our son come out of his cot till he’s out of nappies as he says he’s still a baby for wearing them and only big boys sleep in a big boys beds.

What an absolute fucking cunt. For that alone you need to get him out of your son's life.

The thing is when everything is going ok and the way he wants it to go he’s the nicest person but changes when you disagree with him or if our 3 year old plays up it’s like he can’t handle it.
why am I so bothered about him meeting someone else? Like the thought of it makes me feel sick

Because we're programmed to think it matters - to think we have to compete for men's attention and we 'win' by having it. We don't. We win by being happy, and he can't give you that.

Read through the way you've described him. If you turned up to 'shop' for a new partner and all that was written on a label attached to him, would you want him? You're not losing him, you're gaining your freedom to be happy.

He's making your three year old still sleep in a cot???

What the fuck??

He's abusive. Get him out of your life and your child's.

He is starting to be abusive towards your son - and he should be your priority getting him away from his father

Does it matter if he is controlling specifically? He sounds unkind, uncaring and unpleasant to live with. His attitude towards your son sounds damaging. I would not want to live with someone like this.

He’s nice to suck you back in when he feels that you are pulling away from him after his behaviour has been bad. Once he’s got you back he goes back to his true self which is awful and mean.
Get out for your sake and for your little boy. What about if your child still wets the bed when he’s 5 or 6 or 7? Is he still going to be in his cot? He will only stop wetting the bed when his brain develops to let him hold his wee. He can’t control it and his dad is bullying and probably frightening him.
Get away from him and do the Freedom program (free) so you choose better next time.

What you are also describing here is the nice/nasty cycle of abuse and that is a continuous one. This is who he really is and he is not above abusing your son in turn either.

Your own relationship with him is at an end anyway because of the abuse he metes out to you.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. I would also recommend you contact Women's Aid and seek legal advice re all aspects of separating from him. You may want to look at non molestation and occupation orders. I would also suggest you enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme.

He needs to stop immediately in regards to your son. You’ll have to confront him on this I’m afraid. Otherwise he will cause him serious issues. I think the statistic is 15% of children wet their bed to age 7 or 8. It can be to do with a hormone (vasopressin) production that controls the amount of wee the child produces at night, also anxiety will affect this. But children can develop appropriate levels of this hormone at different ages. It is not under their control and would be abusive to make them feel that way. Look up the website eric.org.uk. In addition he really doesn’t sound like a nice person. I think often children bring on stress in a relationship (understandably) and you start to see a person’s true character come out.

This abusive arsehole should not still be abusing your son.

at what point are you going to act?

Why are you obeying him? If you ordered your son a bed, what would he do?

OP your partner should be your best friend. He should have your back and want the best for you.