Mum&dad are nowhere

[Shcb]

Hello,
not sure really where to start as I’m really confused. I’m 28 and feel a bit of a baby. Growing up I remember having a loving family until the age of 7 my parents divorced which was quite brutal my dad sold the family home we moved across towns with my mum, court battles, me and my sister being shipped off to dads every weekend or grandmas as mum became dependant on drink and men. From 7 I never really felt “loved” it was more a case of “I put a roof over your head you be greatful” me and my sister sat in our rooms a lot. As I got to age 10 the constant texts off my dad saying he couldn’t have me and my sister at weekends etc and mum would force us up there to stay so he had to stay home whilst mum was out drinking. If dad was out we had to stay with grandma(she was my rock) constant police visits from men abusing my mum smashing her car up etc.
as I got to 17 the last straw was her forcing me to my dads. I really didn’t want to go as I’d found out my dad had got married abroad to a new women and me and my sister didn’t have a clue, no invite nothing. We watched a video on tv of the wedding. I was distraught I left the room.
My mum attacked me when I didn’t want to go to his house and ever since I have been no contact with mum and so has my sister. She said many times she was going to get help with drink but didn’t and she got married to someone who also is a big drinker she still hasn’t quit.
been no contact now for about 10/11yr with mum she knows where I live and knows she has a grandchild but we hear nothing i occasionally spoke to my dad until he didn’t come to see me on my birthday, then started not replying to my messages, I asked what he was doing for Xmas I didn’t get a reply, he then never came to see my daughter for birthday or Christmas and I found it strange as he’s my dad? His wife is very up her own but I got along with her for the sake of my dad until my dad mentioned why I didn’t put her name on a card I’d wrote which was a “dad” card for Father’s Day. I felt totally like “what the hell” but my dad was saying she was very upset, it made me upset knowing it was a card for my dad not her.. she stopped coming over to see us when my dad came in the car. Today I found out he’s sold his house I look at the photos being nosey online and the photos on the fireplace are all of his wife’s kids. His wife’s grandkids. Like really? Do me and my sister and his granddaughter not matter? (They were amazing when my daughter were born but never had her overnight or for a day he literally comes birthday/christmas twice a year max)
I ask where he’s moving he said into a caravan at a park. Like eh? No adress nothing. Dad’s always been next of kin for me as I have no one else. He’s being really plain with me and ignores me most of the time if I message. I’ve been having a really hard time recently myself with my mental health and I reached out to mental health team last week regarding new medication as I’ve been dealing with ASB at my home and were looking to get relocated. After today I feel so let down, upset. I had a bad do years ago and told him I was on the verge of not being here he didn’t respond and it really tops my mental
health.
I just feel like what’s the point I literally got placed on this earth with an alcoholic mother and a dad who got remarried and cares more about his wife’s kids than his own kids? How can a father see his daughter and grandkids twice a year? How can you move home and not let me know? Or am I genuinely being self entitled?
ive literally my daughter. Over Xmas everyone was asking if my dad had been over and I was like no and they’re just like oh and it’s so embarrassing/ disheartening for me.
im feeling like I need councilling im literally a mess just crying all the time at the reminders I have no parents who care it’s everyday I have no parents for support or guidance and the world is confusing. I learn new things such as how to make mash potato or add cheese into beans to make cheesy beans and I think I should’ve known these things before being housed at 18 my grandma taught me a lot of baking but I never learned how to cook or budget money or much really.
any advice woud be great and really appreciated I feel so lost right now

That's tough.

Do you see your sister?

You've done well bringing up your daughter.

Different but my grandma was amazing cook. Mum didn't teach me how to cook anything either. My kids know more than I ever did.

Hi OP, you are doing so well. You are a really strong person. Is your Grandma still alive? Your parents both sound weak willed. I am so sorry they have not been supportive to you. You are providing your daughter with the upbringing you didn't have. Well done for asking for counselling and support hopefully you will find that helpful. Families are complicated. For every really good one there is a really bad one.

Your parents failed to bring you up, quite epically so. You have all my sympathy, but I have no answers or solutions.

However, to be helpful, chop an onion into small chunks, stick it in hot oil and wait for it to soften a bit, add a tin of tomatoes and cook for 10 minutes, add any cheese in tiny bits. and serve with pasta. It's the cheapest reasonably healthy food ever invented.

Oh bless you. You've been dealt a tough hand. I'm so sorry that your parents have let you down like this. You sound as if you have done so well from a tough start: you have your daughter and you are building a home for her which will give her a good start in life.

Thank goodness for your lovely Grandma too.

I do sympathise. My mum was diagnosed with dementia just as I had my first baby, so I lost out on any support or advice she could have given me. Honestly, Mums net was a Godsend. All of those things I wanted to ask my mum (like how to do cheesy beans!) Keep on asking here.

I also found support at some lovely mother and baby groups, most of them based in churches. You don't have to be religious to go, but there are other mums and then often volunteers who are grandmas themselves, who will listen and share ideas and advice.

Keep on posting here, and best of luck. (Sending an unmumsnetty hug).

OP your parents are incompetent and the embarrassment belongs to them, not to you.
Keep writing, start a journal, write your thoughts down, it will help and you'll see that you make perfect sense.
You are doing a great job without the support you needed and deserved. It's very hard to have to face the thought of parental betrayal. The feelings you are processing now come from when you were much younger. You are not a baby, or self-entitled for having expected more from your parents.
Your parents' behaviour and their choices are theirs. They are not a reflection of your worth now or when you were a child.
You and your daughter deserve so much more than your parents ever gave you.
Believe in yourself OP, you're very strong and trust yourself: you've already come such a long way.

OP, please believe you have done so well to manage as well as you have without parental support. I think you were wise to go no contact with your mother and tbh l'd stay very low contact with your father as well. They have let you down badly and do not deserve to be in your life.
Concentrate on your daughter, your sister and your Grandma ( hopefully she's still with you.) Keep on developing your knowledge, whether from books, Mumsnet You tube or TV. There's lots of information out there these days which can help you. You are doing brilliantly in the face of adversity, you are a strong young woman, much stronger than you think.

thankyou every single person for responding and especially taking the time to read what im going through! it means so much to me, im glad i came here for some support as it’s made me feel a bit better knowing it’s shitty parents and not me and that my feelings are valid. My gran is still here she’s quite unwell and in and out of hospital which is hard as she was the rock really the glue. My sister moved down the country with her kids to get away so we don’t see each other as I don’t drive either..
I do look at my daughter and think I could never put her through that or not see her, it would break me. Mumnethug to you all❤️