Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do your children feel they have two homes if they spend significant time with their father for contact?

9 replies

IndigoVioletPurple0 · 22/01/2025 14:04

Ex doesn't have shared care but he has significant contact.

DD always refers to his house as "Daddy's house" ex keeps drumming in she should call it home and our house is "mummy's house". Ex is a domestic abuser btw .

I've had a chat with DD about it who I know feels destabilised and said his house can be whatever she wants it to be and her dad wants it to feel like a home.

DD is adamant home is with me and she visits dad.

Just wondering if anyone else's children refer to dad's house as home or have been subject to pressure to think of it as a home. Any ideas on how I can make it better for DD?

OP posts:
socialdilemmawhattodo · 22/01/2025 14:10

It is just another controlling manoeuvre. My ex used to be exactly the same. It's yet another issue with supposed 50:50 split childcare and telling the children they have 2 homes.Children don't want that - they want one fixed place.

Soontobe60 · 22/01/2025 14:14

My DD always said, and still does as an adult, that she had 2 homes whilst growing up. I felt this to be a good thing because it meant she felt equally comfortable whichever parent she was with. I always encouraged her to think of herself having two homes.

Original poster
IndigoVioletPurple0 · 22/01/2025 16:50

socialdilemmawhattodo · 22/01/2025 14:10

It is just another controlling manoeuvre. My ex used to be exactly the same. It's yet another issue with supposed 50:50 split childcare and telling the children they have 2 homes.Children don't want that - they want one fixed place.

This is how my daughter feels I think.

OP posts:
rosesl · 22/01/2025 18:55

I'm shared care with my ex and my daughter refers to mummy's house and daddy's house - she regards them both as home. She has bedrooms in each and pets at each.

Disturbia81 · 22/01/2025 19:54

Soontobe60 · 22/01/2025 14:14

My DD always said, and still does as an adult, that she had 2 homes whilst growing up. I felt this to be a good thing because it meant she felt equally comfortable whichever parent she was with. I always encouraged her to think of herself having two homes.

Yes both places are homes, with their favourite stuff, pets, safe. But only works when the dads are decent.

HappyHedgehog247 · 22/01/2025 19:58

My ex tried to push this on our dc. I said if it's daddy's house and mummy's house then where is her house and her home. It's fine when it comes from the kids, they get there in their own time.

HappyHedgehog247 · 22/01/2025 19:58

He was also DV and controlling.

Original poster
IndigoVioletPurple0 · 22/01/2025 20:30

Disturbia81 · 22/01/2025 19:54

Yes both places are homes, with their favourite stuff, pets, safe. But only works when the dads are decent.

Show quote history

I agree. If your ex isn't a narcissist then this is a very healthy way to raise your children

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 22/01/2025 20:35

I thought they did.
They were there one weeknight & half the weekend and half school holidays.
They have their own bedrooms (still as young adults).
Clothes, toys, etc.

Turns out they saw it as visiting, shocked me tbh.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page