@alexis97, I would bet big money that he is cheating. He and OW have built an intimate, romantic relationship based on a Rescuer/Damsel dynamic, and he’s been covering his disloyal tracks by deleting their chat. In addition to those damning words, he has form for dodgy behavior with other women. He has been treating you like shit on his shoe in general, and you’ve written numerous threads detailing this.
To summarize, he has:
*Treated you like a stranger and withdrawn affection.
*Followed and liked female coworkers’ risqué photos, and called/messaged one of them outside of work.
*Told your mortgage broker that if he wasn’t married he’d ask her out. She responded that you 3 could have a date to Netflix and chill. He proceeded to add her on Facebook, and, when you objected, he said that he’d remove her … but he lied and kept her.
*Masturbated to a schoolmate’s photo that he keeps in his phone.
*Messaged his Ex.
*Hidden his phone, keeping it under his pillow every night.
*Committed to holidays with colleagues without letting you know, just assuming that you’ll manage all your work and family responsibilities (toddler with autism and new baby) in his absence.
*Ditched your birthday plans for him (rare date night, comedy club) to go on holiday with new colleagues he’d known for a month, so you had to sell the tickets.
*Immediately after you all returned from a trip (12 hours of travel) and you were struggling to organize the house and corral bouncy children, he announced that he wanted to leave to attend a friend’s wedding, which was fine with you. He said he’d just have a few drinks and would be home at a reasonable hour … but stayed out until 8 a.m., allegedly in a mate’s room.
*You moved and gave up your dream job so he could leave the army. You’ve always treated him with great care, but he doesn’t reciprocate. He ruined your enjoyment of your 2nd pregnancy via his sordid behavior and his minimizing your physical issues and later PND. (Example: when you had a diagnosed sudden drop in blood sugar, he and his family said it was all in your head.) He habitually dismisses your feelings and couldn’t care less when he upsets you. His cyclothymia is no excuse for his lack of empathy and callous disregard.
I’m sure that I’ve left out other examples of his massive disrespect, immaturity, and self-serving boundary crossing. In one thread you actually used the word infidelity but didn’t elaborate as to whether you were referring to the sleazy behavior described above or something else.
@alexis97, you’ve written about the extreme emotional and medical abuse you suffered at the hands of your mother as the target of her Munchausen by proxy. You now have a painful medical condition caused by the strong meds you were prescribed in your youth because of this dangerous woman’s lies. You never even had the illness that she convinced the doctor you had. You cut her off, but she still rears her monstrous head occasionally to cause trouble.
Your childhood trauma was so normalized, and I wonder if that plays a part in your continued tolerance of your H’s mistreatment. Consider accessing IC for support.
Returning to the question at hand, I believe this lying cheat is up to no good. He and OW are having affair. After this betrayal and because of all his other faithless actions and contemptuous behavior, it would be game over for me.