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Relationships

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Original poster

EX got new GF pregnant 3 months in

38 replies

YourRealWriter · 22/01/2025 01:57

Ex husband has got new girlfriend of 3 months pregnant. Previous to meeting her he was constantly saying he wanted us to be a family again and wanted me back but I wouldn’t take him back and told him he had to work on himself as he had a lot of issues.
after leaving him I realised how he would manipulate me and tell me I done everything wrong, would ignore me for hours and blame everything on me.

He told me he only started seeing this girl because he seen me speaking to another guy,
Things moved very quickly with him and this new girl, staying at her’s every night so he couldn’t see his child, going away for weekends away and spending all his time with her and her child.
Our daughter would ask to see him and he would ask her why? And tell her no because he had plans with this new girl.
suddenly he has been trying to force our daughter to spend time with this new gf but my daughter has refused and said she is not ready but her dad had told her he was disappointed in her for this and that she would just have to do it because that was his new GF now, my daughter has been heartbroken, as she’s had no time to adjust
few weeks later and he has told me he is moving in with this women who lives 1.5 hours away and that they are expecting a baby,

it all seems far to soon and especially for my daughter - I don’t know what to do to protect my daughter

OP posts:

HellofromJohnCraven · 25/01/2025 08:21

At 12 DD will have her eyes open. Of my friends, it was 12/13 when their daughters realised for themselves the reality of their Dads behaviour in leaving them without any input at all from their Mum's.
Support your daughter. You cannot impact how he behaves. You can impact your reaction to it.
It sounds very much that he is off to live with this woman. I doubt she wants to play happy families with your daughter, so focus on building a happy life without him.

2JFDIYOLO · 25/01/2025 09:00

It's none of your business that he has a new relationship and that she has become pregnant SO quickly. (He didn't 'get her pregnant').

They're both perfectly entitled to move on and have a life, a partner and a family. You seem to have a problem with that fact.

What is your business is that your daughter is uncomfortable and they live far off.

So you are both going to have to act like adults and decide a working arrangement. This is how split families have to work.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 25/01/2025 09:15

I can see why you are sad for your DD, it’s one thing an ex behaving badly but completely another when it’s your dad.

Agree with the mental moat, his crazy is new girlfriend’s problem. You need to be a bit wary of any woman who is happy to get together with a man who’s recently single with a nearly teen and then happily get pregnant so quickly, before she’s had time to get to know the new step daughter and if she wants to be step mum in this situation.

Agree don’t be sentimental about her new sibling or anything like that, let dd take the lead but keep in the back of your mind a relationship that’s gone so quickly from meeting to “new family” may not last and new half sibling might disappear from dds life before your dd is 18.

Mumlaplomb · 25/01/2025 09:17

2JFDIYOLO · 25/01/2025 09:00

It's none of your business that he has a new relationship and that she has become pregnant SO quickly. (He didn't 'get her pregnant').

They're both perfectly entitled to move on and have a life, a partner and a family. You seem to have a problem with that fact.

What is your business is that your daughter is uncomfortable and they live far off.

So you are both going to have to act like adults and decide a working arrangement. This is how split families have to work.

I don’t think that is a fair comment to the OP. She is concerned that he hasn’t handled it well from her daughters point of view. Of course getting a brand new partner pregnant and expecting your child to get on board with that straight away is unreasonable. Also it sounds like he hasn’t bothered with his daughter other than to try and force his new girlfriend on her.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 25/01/2025 09:21

Oh and yes, going to kill himself or disappear etc because you won’t let him back to an easy life is quite a regular script for the newly dumped man who is used to getting his own way. As is then swiftly finding a new woman to look after him and that relationship becoming very serious very quickly, because the point of her is to provide the domestic setting he’s realised he can’t get with you anymore. He never wanted to get back together with you because he loves you, it was because he loves living with a woman who makes his life easier, so he’s found that life style with someone else fast. If that doesn’t last, doesn’t matter, he’ll go find the next one.

it’s not you nor her he loves, it’s the lifestyle. Loving that family lifestyle is completely consistent with begging you to take him back and threatening to kill himself, then within a matter of weeks finding a new love of his life and of course moving in together.

BellissimoGecko · 25/01/2025 09:31

You're well rid of him, the emotionally manipulative, selfish bastard.

All you can do is be there for your dd and support her. You can't change how he's acting, but I can appreciate how frustrating that must be. He's acting like a dick.

LittleDeeAndME · 25/01/2025 09:39

oakleaffy · 22/01/2025 02:50

He ''didn't get her pregnant'' -the new woman actively sought to get pregnant by the sounds of it, by not using contraception {Or taking morning after pill}

She already has one child , and now has added another by unsuitable men {at such short notice} - She's a fool, and so is he, for not using condoms.

Exactly what I was going to say - takes 2 to make a baby - and 2 to take precautions if they don't

HipToTheHopDontStop · 25/01/2025 10:04

RedHelenB · 22/01/2025 04:41

He's your ex OP. You don't get a say in his life. Unless he's a real risk to his dd, she will be better off spending time with him and her sibling. Nothing you have written mwjes him a bad dad, just a lousy partner

Fuck me that's a low bar you have. Buried underground in fact

Imbusytodaysorry · 25/01/2025 10:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Seriously? The women is a stranger for one eve be the the exh
Also the child on the middle of this already doesn’t need her head messed up. .
Id say that’s OP convenes and valid at that .

1HappyTraveller · 26/01/2025 22:18

I am so sorry for what you and your daughter are having to deal with. It is good that he is out of your life but I feel sad for the emotional and mental impact your ex-H is having on your daughter. As mentioned by another PP if he doesn’t make the effort with your daughter now then I very much doubt that he will bother when he lives 1.5 hours away. All you can do is encourage your daughter to be open about her feelings like you have been doing, listen to her, validate her feelings, support her decisions and hug her a little tighter. This is going to be a drawn out process for her and she is going to struggle with the rejection from her father as he spends more time with his new GF and soon his new child.

The comments your ex is making towards her are awful. She is a child and he is being dismissive and neglectful of her feelings. Some of the comments you have stated are just cruel.

Have you spoken to the school about what is happening?

sending supportive hugs 🫂

Harry12345 · 27/01/2025 15:21

2JFDIYOLO · 25/01/2025 09:00

It's none of your business that he has a new relationship and that she has become pregnant SO quickly. (He didn't 'get her pregnant').

They're both perfectly entitled to move on and have a life, a partner and a family. You seem to have a problem with that fact.

What is your business is that your daughter is uncomfortable and they live far off.

So you are both going to have to act like adults and decide a working arrangement. This is how split families have to work.

Of course she has a problem with it, she will have to deal with the emotional impact this will have on their child as he’s certainly not giving a shit! I can’t imagine what it would feel like if my dad moved out and within a few months had a new gf and baby coming, that’s really traumatic and hard for a child to process, of course his ex can have an opinion on it as it will cause her daughter major upset

Harry12345 · 27/01/2025 15:25

Botanybaby · 25/01/2025 07:29

Not really any of your business where he dips his wick and the result of that

You said yourself he asked to wee his daughter and she didn't feel ready which to me sounds like she's overheard you or you have said something directly to her about the situation and she is wanting your approval

You need to be careful with what you say who you say it to and who's around as your bitterness will rub off on your child and she'll probably say things like she doesn't want to see her dad because she thinks it's what you want to hear

Is there not a way you can sit down with him to iron out contact time and if he breaks the agreement he doesn't have a leg to stand on

What are you talking about? If my dad did this when I was 12 there is no way I’d want to be around his new gf so quickly. The daughters reaction is normal, parents splitting is already traumatic enough without him being in a new relationship and a baby being due

HappyToSmile · 27/01/2025 17:38

OP, I have been in near enough the exact position.
All you can do is be there for your daughter. Mine still had daddy on a pedestal, so she was distraught when he first prioritised the "new" partner over her and then prioritised the new family over her. It was horrible for her to go through and as an extension, horrible for me to have to watch. There is much more to my story than this, but I really do feel for you and your daughter. Just be there for her. And my inbox is open should you need anyone unconnected to sound off to.

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