I’ve been with my partner (woman, same-sex) for a while now, she’s only started spending the night at my house for the last 2-3 months, but stays over quite regularly (2-3 nights per week).
I have a DD (age 9) and a dog. When she is here, I cook for all of us and clean up after us, every single time. DD is autistic and I have several chronic illnesses which often leave me feeling very tired and run-down.
I, of course, always make breakfast and dinner for DD (she has lunch at school) but me and my partner often eat different things due to dietary preferences and because the mornings can be quite busy, I usually don’t eat with DD and wait until she’s at school instead. Some mornings, I don’t have the energy to eat or make breakfast, sometimes I have to go back to bed and stay there until DD finishes school because my body won’t let me do anything else (I’m off work long-term due to my health issues at the moment).
My issue is, that my partner will never ever offer to make any food - not for me (which is fine), but not even for herself. I have told her multiple times to help herself and she said she knows she can do that etc, but if I don’t get up and make food - she literally just won’t eat, it’s like the expectation is there for me to do it and she’s waiting for me to offer sort of thing. It’s almost making me dread when she comes over because it uses up so much of my energy cooking for and cleaning up after another adult when usually it’s just me and DD.
AIBU in almost issuing an ultimatum saying that you either cook for yourself when I’m not feeling up to it from now on or we’ll just stick to seeing each other during the day when she's off work from now on so she can eat before/after at her own place?
On the one hand, I know she's only been staying at my house for a couple of months, but on the other hand she stays over quite a bit and she says she feels more comfortable here than at her own house, so I'm then just thinking she's just being lazy if that's the case?
TIA!