Me, male (59) has been dating partner, female (40) for 5 years, we have both gone through divorces. It's been a rocky 5 years, we love each other and have faced a few difficulties with acceptance from my grown up children.
She moved in with me into my family home after 18 months of dating. I was living with my teenage son, and this quickly became a dysfunctional and toxic setup. Eventually after 12-15 turbulent months my girlfriend moved out and my son moved in with his mum and brother.
We continued dating, but her desire for independence and some resentment about her moving out meant she was pulling away from me. I tried hard to win her back and over time I realised she was moving further away and I didn't feel she valued me and at times i felt used. Remember I do earn a lot more than her and I am generous.
I then decided the relationship was failing and really felt I was being used so I decided to end it.
This was a shock to her, but we remained close even when we started dating. We then both dated, her unsuccessfully (creepy guys) but me more successfully and i dated another girl and started to move on. It turned out to be a pleasent but ultimately summer romance for me but we remained friends. My ex was away for the summer and when she returned she begged me to get back together, she seemed genuinely to be wanting to be back with me. In the summer I had tried to move on, so initially I was cold to her, she begged more and eventually I said let's try again. I really felt we had found something we had lost, but I wanted to be sure I was getting the girl I fell in love with and not the one I felt didn't value me and used me.
Over autumn it was good, we were connecting. Then I mentioned i wanted to sell the family home and buy my own place. She felt that I was choosing independence over her, I said our relationship wasn't ready for moving in together with things to resolve. She was very upset and decided we had no future together, I genuinely believed there would be issues moving in together and moving out of my old family home was best. She went away for Christmas and I thought about it.
After Christmas I then decided I really want her in my life and said let's move in together and I wrote down some ideas on how we could solve some of the previous issues and disagreements.
She thought about my suggestions, I have a much bigger pot of house and pension, and she asked me what it would mean about our assets. I said we buy something together, split based on what we bring. If it works, we get married and join assets together.
She said she wants everything in joint names up front. And that's really important to her. In my opinion it's only an issue if you think we are going to break up.
I said I would think about it, but my gut reaction is No! Although we are together now, she will eventually leave and I lose a woman i love.
Am I being too untrusting or am i an astute guy?