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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

**TW - CSA**

3 replies

DaisyG20 · 20/01/2025 21:01

I'm so sorry for posting here, I understand if it gets closed as it's truly horrific but I just need to get it out, I can't talk to anyone irl.

I found out end of November that my ex partner had been sexually abusing my daughter (his step daughter) for a number of years. I had no idea, I was called by a police officer whilst I was shopping one Saturday with my older 2 kids, and told I need to return home as my
Partner has been arrested and my baby was alone with an officer.

We were together just shy of 8 years, had 2 children together and my DD called him dad. She'd told a family member 2 years ago (who is also a child) and the family member told her mum who alerted the police.

She's had to endure 2 medicals, 2 ABE interviews and he's still not been charged yet but they're investigating. I can't handle all the waiting.

My son is distraught, he has ASD so he's all over the place. He's not seen his dad since we left to go shopping that morning, my DD has gone into her shell, lashing out one minute then seemingly ok the next. I'm on my arse, worrying how I can keep everything together for my poor daughter when I'm hanging on by a thread myself.

I lay awake at night worrying what if he gets away with it, my baby will never have a dad and his actual dad is a child abuser.

I just can't believe this is my life now, the relationship was a sinking ship and I couldn't put my finger on it. Now I know why.

OP posts:
HappyKatieA · 20/01/2025 21:17

I'm so sorry, obviously for her, but also for you and your other children.
Have the police signposted you to ways to get support? She needs it but so do you.
Do you have anyone you can turn to in real life?

DaisyG20 · 20/01/2025 22:04

HappyKatieA · 20/01/2025 21:17

I'm so sorry, obviously for her, but also for you and your other children.
Have the police signposted you to ways to get support? She needs it but so do you.
Do you have anyone you can turn to in real life?

We have an IDVA but they won't do much until/if it goes to trial. 18m wait for specific therapy, GP won't touch it, SS are involved and they've referred her for a few things. I have family but have to put on a mask with everyone else, I can't tell anyone the real reason we aren't together when they ask where he is, I can't even tell my son why he's not living here anymore. It's just so horrific it's not the sort of thing I feel I could talk about.

OP posts:
LineofTedLasso · 21/01/2025 08:31

www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/
This organisation may be of some use to you. I'm so sorry about what your family is going through. I have seen first hand in my job the ramifications of this appalling behaviour on the wider family. You will get through it, and the main thing is you believe your daughter.

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