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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Holidays / coparenti

4 replies

Mommybearx · 20/01/2025 20:31

Just wondering how it is for others really; a bit of context, my ex has been caught paying a PI to follow me, he’s also tracked my car twice so he is very controlling.

I have a lives with order for our children (he has spends time with order).

Every time I book a holiday for the children and I, he kicks up fuss, trying to stop it if he can, he doesn’t see things from the children’s point of view.

Anyways, I’ve notified him of our next holiday including flight times and location, he’s kicked off that I didn’t get his consent before hand (when I don’t need to, I only need to notify him!) but he’s asked for travel confirmations and hotel information.

Now the way I feel about this is, I’m done with the control, when ever he goes away (abeit in the Uk) with the kids I never know the hotels or even that they have gone until they are back.

Do others share exact hotel information? We are staying at three different hotels around three different areas but it seems annoying to share such an itinerary with an abusive man (as that’s what he is) just for the sake of it.

I also feel that if he was going away eg with our kids and his girlfriend, and didn’t tell me I would just have to let it go, but I am expected to for the rest of my life and including if a partner is going with us, to share every aspect of what we do and where we stay with him? I completely get, flights overall location, dates etc, but the hotel given his controlling and no boundary nature? He always asks for names of who we will see too, I’ve given lists before but I can’t do this forever. I know I wouldn’t get the respect back too.

It’s only to feed the control because before we got divorced, he never asked me what the children and I did or where we stayed, when I did take them abroad alone

OP posts:
Adamante · 21/01/2025 04:43

Do others share exact hotel information? We are staying at three different hotels around three different areas but it seems annoying to share such an itinerary with an abusive man (as that’s what he is) just for the sake of it.

I never told my ex a thing. He only found out we’d been when we get back. There’s something about holidays that get these abusive men all riled up and raging. I’ve never understood it.

AnotherDelphinium · 21/01/2025 04:47

Nope, flight times only.

I’ve not confirmed hotels yet as I’m waiting for some last minute deals, but I’m thinking about the xx area. And a few days before departure, “My mum/best friend (preferable someone who is strong and also dislikes him) has got all the other details in case on an emergency”. They’ll let you know them if there are any problems.

Gioia1 · 21/01/2025 07:58

With such a parent you simply do not co parent. You parallel parent.

Mommybearx · 21/01/2025 11:08

That gives me some clarity - thank you!

I agree - parallel parenting is definitely the way with this man
I try that and he always creeps back

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