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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you feel knowing your ex is sleeping around.

9 replies

Darklava09 · 20/01/2025 19:52

Wonder what’s people thoughts are on this. Me and my ex have been split up over a year and was together 13 years. He has continually tried to get back with me and hasn’t really accepted the break up at all.. even until very recently before Christmas said he would get back together if I said.

the whole time he’s walking around telling friends and family he’s heart broken and I’ve ruined his life and has caused a nasty smear campaign against me…

he kept telling me I was disgusting for wanting to move on, he couldn’t find anyone else attractive, the thought of sleeping with anyone else turns his stomach, I’ve ruined his life, he will never be happy, he won’t find anyone else better than me.

anyways, fast forward a few months I found out he was in fact on dating sites and had been for a while and was meeting someone for casual sex and now takes viagra.
I called him out on this as he had caused me quite a lot of hassle and was quite abusive towards me for moving on and said I was all these names but secretly he was doing the same and probably a lot earlier than he’s made out!

He then proclaimed his love for me, said he wanted me back, said it was a mistake and just wants his family back. I told him the relationship was still over as it had been over for a long time and I had moved on.

he then came to me saying he’s stopped seeing her because it felt like he was cheating on me (despite us being apart for over 10 months). Couldn’t stop saying sorry, he was only doing it to fill the void, he’s stepped back because it felt wrong and he realised he was doing it because he was in pain, said that he felt so awkward being around her or putting his arm around her.. (but not awkward enough to sleep with her) , said he was just going to start working on himself and he was just acting out of pain and he’s not the type of person to do that. At this point I explained he can do as he wishes but don’t keep telling people he’s heartbroken and can’t move on when clearly.. you are.

anyways I’ve since found out that only 6 weeks after all those words of him saying it was a mistake he’s been still going off and meeting random people every few weeks for sex.

it’s weird because I feel so much anger towards him. I don’t have feelings for him or or any love or want him back but I don’t see how you can say all the things you did and then 6 weeks later your off doing the same things? I’m struggling wjth the fact he said all those things to me and seemed genuine but then is off doing the same behaviours.

im constantly thinking was all the omissions and proclaiming love a lie, was it manipulation to get me back, was it genuine or was it a last ditch attempt to win me back once he’d been caught out and for whatever reason it has messed with my head. I keep saying to myself thank god I didn’t fall for the bullshit.

I can’t look at him when I see him as he repulses me. He’s never been the type of person to just go sleeping around, he always said he had to have a connection with someone before he did anything like that, and now he’s picking up people for sex and 2 weeks later he’s off to another. In the space of 6 weeks he’s slept with a further 3 people.

I struggle because I see sex as something you do with someone you have feelings for especially as it’s intimate but I know there’s lots of people who are ok with just doing that type of thing.

I’m struggling to get my head around the person he’s turned into. I know we’re not together and he can do whatever he pleases and there is no chance of me resuming the relationship and I don’t want him back but I feel like I don’t even know that person I was with for such a long time. How does he feel so ok with just going round someone’s house for a few hours he’s never met, sleeps with them and leaves?
still doesnt help that he’s going round telling people he has no interest in sleeping around and that’s not the person he is…

dont even know the point of this but wanted to get it out my head!

OP posts:
Weyohweyoh · 20/01/2025 19:54

He’s just reinforcing why he’s an ex. Feel glad you’ve got rid and look after yourself.

BobbyBiscuits · 20/01/2025 19:55

You shouldn't be concerned with what he's doing.
I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he was scrutinising your dating life after you split up.
He was an arse, you're free of him now. Just ignore it and move on. If anything you could see it as a positive he's moving on and won't bother you anymore.
Just block him and focus on your own life.

Geesgirl · 20/01/2025 19:55

Life is just too short for this shit.

MyrtleLion · 20/01/2025 20:04

Well done on getting him out of your life. Seriously, you've dodged a bullet.

Grab yourself a bottle of fizzy wine and celebrate your good sense. Here's to moving on to the best part of your life.

Darklava09 · 20/01/2025 20:04

BobbyBiscuits · 20/01/2025 19:55

You shouldn't be concerned with what he's doing.
I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he was scrutinising your dating life after you split up.
He was an arse, you're free of him now. Just ignore it and move on. If anything you could see it as a positive he's moving on and won't bother you anymore.
Just block him and focus on your own life.

He does scrutinise it if you read where I say he’s been quite abusive towards me for moving on and I wish I could block him but he’s the father of my kids

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 20/01/2025 20:09

@Darklava09 thank you. that's horrible. But honestly just don't allow him to get into your head. Only contact him about logistics regarding the children and block him on SM. If he's trying to bully you or affect your new relationships that's bang out of order.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 20/01/2025 20:18

How on earth do you know all this?

Darklava09 · 20/01/2025 20:19

SchrodingersTwat2 · 20/01/2025 20:18

How on earth do you know all this?

People he tells, people who see him out and then sadly he was on that are we dating the same guy page on FB

OP posts:
CagneyNYPD1 · 20/01/2025 20:30

After what you have described, I would be relieved that he was now an ex. And he would remain an ex forever and a day.

He can have sex with who he wants. Surely the only required topic of conversation between you both should be the children. Why entertain anything else. Drop the rope, grey rock and all that.

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