OH is away - need some sense talking into me

[Bigredchair]

OH of 5 years has gone away for 5 nights with friends, this is the last night. I’ve made plans to see family/friends while he has been gone but I’m really struggling now. I’ve really missed him and feel totally pathetic that I’m sitting here sad about it.

He has more of a social life than me, work nights out/opportunities to go away etc but a lot of my friends have young children/financial issues so it’s quite difficult to go out or go away with them and I realised it’s made me feel quite resentful which is not his fault at all.

he’s been great while he has been away, he’s called me (although drunk) every night and text me loads but this last night by myself seems to be the worst. We have plenty of holidays together and he deserves to go away with his friends.

just wondered if anyone had any advice or why I feel so irrational about it? Or just tell me I’m being stupid

My partner works shifts and on one of the rotations I might only see him once during the week. I find I go through a range of emotions. I start off feeling all fuzzy and happy because we've had a nice evening beforehand but by the middle of the week I'm feeling resentment even though it's not his fault. I have to work really hard to make sure I keep this from him and remind myself how lucky I am that he keeps in touch so often during that week. So I do understand what you're going through. You need to keep your friendships going though.

Him having a happy full life should not cause you to feel resentful. It’s a sure fire way to lose him, it wont be attractive to him. Use that energy to make your own life happier, join some clubs? Go away solo? There are loads of solo holidays you could consider or hobbies locally. It’s ok to miss him, but not project your own issues onto him.

Thanks, I’m trying not to project or let him know how I feel as I never want him to think I’m stopping him going away or having a good time. This is my issue not his.

I do have family and friends and I’ll try and make more effort to do more things with them, they just have a lot of family commitments in the week.

Do you have kids together? I would resent the fuck of my husband for this.

Are you the poster who posts about this regularly? It honestly sounds suffocating - d be horrified if my husband was sitting around pining like this every time I stepped out the door

The answer probably lies in therapy of some sort to try and get to the bottom of it

You’re resenting it because you choose to limit yourself socially. What would you like to be doing? Then do it. Don’t wait for someone else to be free.

If your existing friends aren’t free at times when you want to do something, either do it anyway, or make new, more available friends.

You say your feelings about him going off on holidays with his friends are irrational: is it that deep down you don't trust him? You say he's been drunk every night when he has phoned you so is it the type of activities he does when he is away that makes you uneasy?

I totally understand if you're not used to it.

DH is forces so away all week then often months. Had this life 18 years. Still don't like it.

Never posted about this at all, he’s had the odd night away but never this long so maybe that’s not helped.

you are right, I need to make more plans, just been asked to out in march which I’ve said yes to and would usually not commit due to the kids etc but I do need to do my own thing.

Take control of your own life and get out there.

If your friends are limited with money suggest nights round each others for a bottle of wine or 2-4-1 cinema nights, walks out in nature, coffee mornings etc or for bigger events like nights away, plan them months in advance so people have a chance to save up for them.

Do more with family and also by yourself. There’s nothing more liberating than taking yourself out for a nice quiet coffee and cake or lunch and then visiting a museum, cinema etc.