Does anybody else lead a fantasy life that has no basis in reality - have crush on someone, feel kind of pathetic.

[arabella2]

Have sort of crush on my daughter's teacher and have had since the beginning of the school year. I have a dh and 3 kids so can't quite believe that my brain would let me go there but it does. One of the highs of my day is dropping daughter off and picking her up. It's not even as if he is easy to talk to because he often does not (to the parents) so it's all kind of ridiculous. Then realised the other day that the reality of my situation is that I am married to dh (who is critical of me all the time because I am messy, but never acknowledges the fact that I can't get otu of my overwhelmed rut on my own) and my house is a tip. But I feel kind of bereft at the thought of losing my comforting day dreams which involve my having some kind of friendship with said teacher. In addition to this I don't think I should even be having these thoughts because they are in a way damaging to my already fragile relationship with dh who as I said goes on at me ALL the time, and also above teacher himself has a family so even my thoughts are kind of wrong in their regard as he of course belongs to them. The only thing that kind of makes me happy is that I actually fancy someone - makes you feel kind of alive in an abstract way.
Anyway - do even people in completely happy relationships have innocent crushes on others or are crushes never innocent???

Yes, definately. I'm in a almost 'completely happy relationship', but the young man down the road who checks me out every morning gives me a complete boost on the way to school. And when I've left the house feeling completely crap, and the kids are moaning on at me, and he still looks I totally fantasise about getting in his boy racer car and driving off into the sunset.

But in reality it's never going to happen, and I'd never actually want it to. If this teacher gives you a liitle lift each day, and makes you feel better then why should you feel guilty.

I would say that if possible you should try and talk to dh more about how he's making you feel, and how you'd like to feel.

But, no, I don't think there is anything wrong in what you're doing.

Message withdrawn

I was hopelessly smitten at my last job with a co-worker....I had lots of fantasties about it and did feel rotten with guilt. I dealt with it by letting everyone know how nifty/hottie I thought he was in such a jokey way - it got back to him of course and he was terribly flattered and we became good friends. Finally getting to know him showed that we would have been hopelessly ill-matched, which I think is a sign of old age actually! Being old enough to realise "this is a no hoper". I just think sometimes your hormones connect with other people, for whatever reason but not necessarily that something is missing in your relationship. Well there is. It's called continuous romance..I think the majority of women need this and when it goes in all relationships, it is a bit of a bummer.

Arabella for you. Life is hard when you're not a neat freak, as it is apparently supposed to be built in to a woman's character to clean like billy-o whenever she can. Who made that crap rule up? Some man, I heartily suspect.

If this crush gives you a bit of a buzz, be happy your day is lifted. You probably wouldn't act on it if you could.

On the other hand, this isn't a long term solution to your unhappiness. Have you tried anti-depressants? Trip to doctor's? Can you afford to hire a cleaner, or rope a friend in to help and you offer to return the favour another day?

Thanks guys. Yes I do think continuous romance is missing as well!!! That feeling of being liked just because you are you or someone smiling at you just because they like you, not because you have: made them tea (or not!!!), tidied the house, helped them with whatever (or not!!!) etc.... Where did that feeling go that someone just wants to be near you because they get a buzz out of it!!
Littlewoman, I do have to deal with the house in some way. A lady does come to clean once a week but in a way I need a couple of days where I can really sort things out - maybe could arrange some kind of babysitting.
Kind of "re-connected" with dh last night which I hadn't done for a long time and made me remember that we are in fact kind of deeply connected despite all the daily annoyances.
Got a load of crap in the house that I don't know how to get rid of: so many clothes and accumulated things that detract from everything.
Also, it's kind of sad that it's not possible to get to know some people because it's inappropriate.

Don't do it all in one day! Thinking you have to tackle it all makes you not want to start it at all, in my experience