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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What helped you be able to fully commit again after your divorce?

3 replies

Cuppatea44 · 20/01/2025 09:25

My ex husband decided after 10 years together that family life/parenting wasn’t for him and left us around 5 years ago when our child was almost 2. It then came to light he had been having affairs and was active on online dating.
5 years on I have dated and had semi serious relationships but have never introduced my child. My exhusband and I coparent well and we have a 60/40 arrangement in place which has increased gradually over the years. While I hate being apart from my child, I know this is best for them.
I would love to meet someone serious and live with them and have another child. A few of the men I have dated would have wanted this and were lovely people. The current man I am seeing would also like his, he has no children but would love some.
i honestly can’t work out if it’s a case of “with the right person you will know” and that I would be able to take these steps if it was right. Or if I’m genuinely just holding myself back.
We had to sell our family home in the divorce and I’ve worked so hard to buy myself a house for me and it child. I love it and am so happy here. I also love my life I have with me and my child- holidays alone or with extended family, day trips out etc.
I feel very stuck whenever it gets to the stage of maybe meeting my child or taking any steps to get more serious. Even though I know in my heart that’s what I want. I don’t know if I’m being sensible or self sabotaging and ultimately I know I do want a life partner.
im rambling now but any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Cuppatea44 · 20/01/2025 16:15

Anyone?

OP posts:
MellowLion · 20/01/2025 16:20

I had almost the same situation, married 10 years and almost 2 yesr old when he left for someone else
This was 5 years ago and me and my child had a lovely house and great life together however I did meet someone else and we now live together and trying for a baby
We took it really slowly as I wanted to be sure and not end up in another bad situatio.
definitely a big adjustment going from all those years just the 2 of us to now 4 of us bit overall it's worker out well
I felt really similar to you before we took the plunge to live together!

Channellingsophistication · 20/01/2025 16:25

I think you just have to take it slowly. My ex H dumped me after 14 years marriage as he was having an affair and it took a long time to trust again. (In fact, I could never trust somebody fully if I’m really honest)

Me and DP took it slow and moved in together after about 5 years. I had also bought a house after divorce and built everything up again and had to ensure I was ready. You will know when you feel ready.

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