I'm in a casual FWB relationship with another woman but I think I'm falling for her

[IsThisLimerence]

I'm a lesbian and I have been having a casual relationship with another woman for about 6 months. I met her on Bumble. I am 26 and she is 44. I only came out at 22 myself. With her having being out for a lot longer than me, she also has much more experience with life and relationships generally. We usually see each other once a week, but text quite a lot when we aren't together. We are in a kind of friends-with-benefits situation. When we meet up, it's primarily for sex, although we get on well outside of that. She is definitely the best sexual partner I've had by far. I seem to be falling for her big time. I feel amazing whenever I'm with her, and still feel great for hours (sometimes days) after we've parted ways. I'm pining for her even when we aren't together. I've heard of limerence/NRE and I am wondering if that is what I am experiencing, because it certainly feels like it. I keep daydreaming and having thoughts about us having a committed relationship as girlfriend and girlfriend, meeting each other's families, then moving in together and all that. I've just been bottling it up for a while. She hasn't specifically said she doesn't want a girlfriend, but she also hasn't said that she does. She seems to be happy with our situation as it currently is right now.

So here is what I would like to ask you about specifically. Should I keep my feelings to myself or tell her? I really don't want to ruin it in case she doesn't want a relationship in the way I described, but there's another part of me that wants to tell her just so I don't have to keep bottling it up.

This sounds more like love than limerence to me.

I think at some point you do need to say what you're feeling. But that's in the understanding that you may lose what you have now - which is why people avoid doing it I guess.

do either of you have children?

@LoudRoseGuide How is that relevant?

I think you need to tell her op. You risk losing her but this situation will make you miserable anyway in the long term. You deserve someone who loves you back. I'd this woman isn't the one then better to know now.

That is a huge age gap however. She might feel she's too old for you long term. In fact I'd argue she should never have gotten involved with you in the first place. How did you meet?

How is it relevant?

oh. Dear.

Yes you should tell her. But be prepared for her to say she's not looking for anything serious or monogamous. Think about what you would be happy to accept and see if she wants to meet you in that place.

If this woman was a mother then she’s being very sensible keeping a someone who is in a completely different position in life, who is “constantly” “pining” for her.., at arm’s length

You are in for a world of pain if you continue with a FWB situation with someone you are falling in love with. Take it from an older, (hopefully) wiser lesbian who's been there and done that! You need to tell her how you feel and, if she doesn't feel the same way, end the FWB situation. It will hurt in the short term, but the alternative will hurt a lot more in the long term. You are clearly ready for a loving relationship, which is great, so you need to focus on finding that with someone, whether that be this woman or someone else.

Bear in mind that is a huge age gap for a committed relationship- you are at very different stages in your lives. Do you want children? Because if you do move to being in a committed relationship, by the time you're ready for children, she will be pushing 50 and may well not want that. The age gap and differing levels of experience can also lead to a power imbalance.

In fact I'd argue she should never have gotten involved with you in the first place.

I have to say, I agree with this- 26 would be too young for me, and I'm 35.

Neither of us have DCs. However she has siblings with DCs who she babysits occasionally, and has said she loves being an aunt to them.

You need to have a certain personality For FWB to work, infact I’ve often thought to myself , it only works for 2 people that are both married & that will never leave their partners..
It’s very hard to not feel emotionally attached to someone you have good sex with & get on well with too ….
I’ve tried that FWB & defo was not for me , I got attached , they didn’t , simple as 🤷🏻‍♀️ & just end up feeling like shit …

There is a big age gap between the 2 of ye , I’m sorry op , I can’t see this working in the long run , chat to her though , who am I to say , but you do really need to talk to her , bottling things up ALWAYS ends in tears
Good luck X

It sounds like you're I'm such a complicated situation, personally I don't think the age gap in itself is a huge problem , as when I was younger i married a man who was 10 years older than me. And as time has gone on, we've separated and I came out later in life and began dating women.

Age gaps seem to matter less between us women , I'm 46 and I actually met my girlfriend on Hinge and she's 25. She is stunning and I couldn't figure out what she saw in me but I thought I'd give her a shot and even if it is just sex, why not give her a try? And it's developed into a relationship. It depends where you are in life and what you want, she doesn't want kids and my daughter is grown up and at uni so I guess we're at a similar stage. You're going to have to speak to her though to see where you stand , best of luck