How to care for an ageing parent as a SAHM?

[deathbecomesherhead]

My mother doesn't have much money and she never has. She's 71 now and her oven broke down over 5 months ago.. she can't afford to get a new one.. my DH provides for us and I have no personal money to send her so to speak.. my DC has mentioned that his Granny oven broke and to buy her a new one...

Anyone else in this position?? It's tricky.. I'll be going back to work on a part time basis within the next 6 months or so but for now I find it tricky..

I can speak with DH but bless he provides everything for our family..

My siblings are useless and never help (one lives abroad and other is single parent)

If she has no money she should be claiming benefits. Speak to social services. Local charities might be able to help with a new cooker.

@Rocknrollstar she does claim benefits but doesn't get much, not enough to buy an oven!

She may be eligible for a grant in her local area from a local charity. Run her details through the grant checker here: https://grants-search.turn2us.org.uk/

Whilst you are on there, might be worth running her info through the benefits checker too.

Check that she's getting everything she's entitled to. Could she downsize where she's living if she's struggling? Could you find her a cheap or second hand air fryer as stop gap for the oven?

You can get a small table top oven for £70. Might be worth checking the charity shops/Facebook marketplace/local groups? Also the council might do an emergency loan

What about getting an airfryer? Ive just got my elderly parents one and they find it so good and easy. It was £69 at john lewis

I am very worried for you that you have 'no personal money'
If you're a married sahm you should be a team and have equal say in what family money gets spent on

It must be shit having 'no personal money', whys that the case?
I'd be sorting that out ASAP, not just yo help your dm but I'm sure it would be more useful in your life to be able to make financial decisions of your own

I’d get an Airfryer. They start at £25 or so. Fine to cook for one and cheaper than oven to run.

I am currently a SAHM. I had a terrible employer when I was working and my husband had a career that he enjoys. We agreed that I would be a SAHM for a few years as he did not want to have to help me with childcare in the week (being home by 7pm etc..) as he has to work late . My conditions were: I have my own pension and full access to finance. I manage all the finances. He doesn't even check our main account.It is our money ultimately as I look after the kids and he is able to work late, travel with work and take advantage of all opportunities. Being a SAHM is very vulnerable position and I think if your husband is not giving you full access to the £ you need to think about your position. I would look into going back to work as soon as possible and make sure you have a pension. Also, I would seriously rethink your relationship as well. A marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.

Please contact Age Uk, she maybe entitled to more than she is claiming.

I went through this with my parent and they were not claiming for everything and it changed their income significantly.

Ask on Facebook and I bet you'll find one for free that someone has ripped out of a kitchen.

Two things

1. Can you support your mum with managing her finances? Does she need to budget better/downsize/change her outgoings/claim things that she isn't? I'd say you don't want to get into the habit of buying reasonably foreseeable things for her. Or, if you do, you need to see if your siblings will help with the cost. Did you (you and siblings) buy her Christmas presents? If so, why did you not get her a cheap oven or air fryer then?
2. Do you have no personal money because there is no money spare in your family budget, or because DH is controlling and won't let you have any? One of these is a problem ...

She has an air fryer already

We do have family money of which I have full access to.. this is my money/our money... I agree it's a vulnerable position though.. I do not have a pension - how much should you build up as a stay at home mother? 6 years a sahm

Tell her to phone Age UK, they are super nice and very helpful.

how much should you build up as a stay at home mother? 6 years a sahm
If you are getting child benefit you will still get state pension contributions paid.

I get no child benefit due to DH earnings I don't qualify do I?

If I did qualify can it be backdated??

Thank you for advice

I don't know if you qualify but, if you haven't been claiming, have you made sure you tick the box to say you are entitled but not claiming to protect your state pension?

Does your DH not want to help out his own mother in law? An oven doesn't cost that much.

I think there is way more to worry about here than your mum not being able to afford a cooker!

@Channellingsophistication my view exactly - my air fryer was £49 and perfectly adequate to cook most things

If your dh's mum couldn't afford an oven would he help her?

I agree that you could help her with time to scroll through Facebook marketplace adverts or freecycle to find inexpensive stuff, a call to Age Uk, things like that.

But you need to start understanding your pension and your own financial position because frankly, it would be better if you weren't dependent on your child's husband when you are her age. I joined a recommended Facebook page for my own type of pension abd it has taken me a long time to start to understand it, but I'm getting there now.

The upper limit for earnings to claim child benefit is £80k. If you are unable to claim due to your dh's earnings being above this then I think you should be able to treat your mum to a new oven OP. You also need to get a handhold on your own family finances if you have none of your own money whilst your dh earns £80k+

I don't think she's got an issue then if she has an airfryer- being honest OP does she use you if she can for cash because she's simply poor with money

I agree, this situation sounds a bit odd tbh.

I would expect someone I was married to to view my family as his own & to want to help out without being asked.
Tbh, you sound almost scared to ask him!

It's bizarre that for 5 months your mum, the grandmother of both of your children, has had no working oven yet it seems your husband earns a good salary.
A cheap but decent oven doesn't cost much.

This. I’ve even thought of having my oven taken out, haven’t used it for at least two years. Also expensive to put in just to cook for one.
Air fryer or a halogen oven like this https://geepas.co.uk/products/1400w-turbo-halogen-oven-air-fryer?_pos=2&_sid=eca100cea&_ss=r&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAC48gKtf8HiT4boF8-DzfOobAr6bm&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1LuO6MWHiwMVIpRQBh1dABtFEAQYBiABEgI4rvD_BwE&tw_adid=&tw_campaign=21010067888&tw_source=google