I've been married to my wife for 17 years, and we're both in our late 40s with a primary school-aged child—who I love to the moon and back! We’re from London, and our relationship was great and exciting in every way before our child was born, although my wife has always been quite highly strung. She gets agitated over the smallest things, and it often feels like I'm walking on eggshells around her. It’s always been that way to some extent, but things have worsened since our child arrived.
Financially, we’re stable—both of us have good jobs. However, my wife’s mood has really taken a downturn. She seems permanently agitated and constantly looks annoyed. It’s been gradually getting worse over the years. She has tried antidepressants before, but they didn’t seem to help. She has also put on some weight, which I know bothers her. I’ve done everything I can—from reassuring her that it doesn’t change how I feel, to encouraging and supporting her when she wants to do something about it—but somehow, everything still seems to be my fault.
When it comes to intimacy, there is none. We’ve been sleeping in separate bedrooms for around five years, and there’s been no sex or even any kind of physical affection in that time. I go out of my way to make her feel special—I tell her every day how amazing she is, what a great mother she is, how beautiful she looks, and how much I appreciate her—but I’m usually met with silence.
On top of that, I do more than my fair share around the house and with our child—I cook, clean, do the school runs, help with homework, and generally try to take the load off her as much as possible. I’ve also been making an effort to look after myself, going to the gym—not just for me, but because I want to look good for her, if that makes sense?
I know she loves me, and I love her, but it feels like she’s fallen into a rut where nothing else seems to matter anymore.
Sorry for the long post—really appreciate your thoughts!