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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there a nice way of telling someone you don't want to be friends?

1 reply

RainyWednesday · 05/05/2008 22:56

I have a kind of ex-bf. We were really close at one point, a few years ago now, more or less best friends at one stage and shared a flat for a while, as mates. Unfortunately, we also had a messy on-off relationship, which involved lots of snogging, lots of guilt on his part (as he can only date strict Christians, and I wasn't one), lots of denying anything was going on etc etc. I was quite vulnerable at the time and feel that he treated me quite badly. He also did a couple of things like throw me out of the house when we first kissed (it was his flat and co-habiting someone he was snogging wasn't possible for him, apparently) when he knew I couldn't afford the deposit to live anywhere else, so I was homeless and living out of my car for a few months, which was one of the worst periods of my life On the other hand, he was often very good to me too.

I'm rambling, sorry

Anyway, we have been growing apart for the past five years. He now irritates me intensely and I am quite angry at the way he behaved. We're only still in touch because we have mutual friends (who, ironically, thought he was a complete loser when I was chasing after him!). For a while I've been trying to let the friendship die a natural death (surely the British way of dealing with these things! ) by just cutting contact. The last time I saw him (in a group in January) I just didn't bother to speak to him. I can't remember the last time before that I saw him - well over a year ago, probably more.

DH and I were supposed to be going to a mutual friend's do next weekend, though can't because of MIL's 60th birthday. He group emailed a few people to see if we wanted to share a lift. I didn't reply. He then emailed me directly to ask if DH and I wanted a lift. I said we weren't going, was polite, but involved myself in no chat. He's replied asking if we can catch up soon.

DH says just don't bother to reply (nb there isn't a jealousy issue here) but I just wonder whether it's more polite/grown up just to tell him that we've moved on and we're not friends any more. Is there a nice way of saying that or should I just be British and ignore him?!

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 05/05/2008 23:00

Personally, i'd ignore. You're only giving him a reason to reply to you, and then you'll feel the need to reply and then that's it - the whole point of the initial "feck off now" email is defied.

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