Break up after separation

[Wheretogofromhere17]

Hi all,

I guess I’m really just looking for a hand hold. I’ve gone through break ups before and they were horrendous but this one is so different than all the others.

I’m seperated since 2022, became friends with someone I’d know from childhood and after 5-6 months we entered into a relationship. It’s had its ups and downs I guess due to us both coming out of marriages. But thinking now I was completely love bombed right from the start, “you are the love of my life, never felt this way before” etc.

I ended it in a hurt rage because I felt they were pulling away and just being really off with me and as soon as I did it I regretted it. Tried to explain to them and they were not interested and they haven’t engaged in any conversation in 2 weeks.

I know it was probably doomed from the start but I guess it’s just harshness of how they can just not care. But I understand because I’m anxious attachment and they are very avoidant attachment. But it doesn’t hurt any less for me.

I just want the hurt and pain to go away which I know it will eventually. I hate that I’ve become so dependent on someone after I swore I’d never do so again after my separation.

Any help or kind words would be appreciated.

Bump…anyone…

As the saying goes.. time is the greatest healer, I've had a similar situation fairly recently and felt really awful for quite a few weeks after but it does eventually get better I promise and the thoughts about them become less and less.
Try and keep busy and treat yourself, do things you really enjoy. Try and get out in the fresh air daily and just put yourself first.
Good luck. One day you'll look back and realise it was for the best as he sounds like he didn't treat you at all well. X

Thanks for your words. It is so true and I totally get it
I just don’t think I’ll ever understand people who can just shut down and act as if they didn’t care at all. Never in my life will I ever get it.

I know it's hard but I don't think you should regret it. You were right. They WERE pulling away. And they have proved that since by their lack of contact. They were doing the utterly shit cowardly man thing where they just treat you badly until you finish it so that they don't have to take action and finish it themselves. It's understandable that you're sad, but sadness and regret are different. Don't let him make you question yourself. It's just more lazy manipulation.

Thank you. Really appreciate what you’ve said. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts about avoidant people and I guess that’s just who they are. If they don’t put the work in to change they will never be happy. But ultimately I know I need to put the work in to make me more secure.

Too much too soon x
Take time to get used to being you not someone else’s wife , girlfriend, mother etc. You need space and alone time x
take care x

I know you are absolutely correct. I guess that’s all I’ve been, is wife, girlfriend, mum. I’ve never ever been me. And it’s taking a hard time to get used to.

Did you ever discover why they were pulling away and being so off with you?

Understanding what happened and why can help move on more easily.

As not to be too outing - I asked what the point of the relationship was because I felt the person wasn’t really making an effort much anymore and the response was they were sorry for that but they were still dealing with the effects of a bad marriage which had ended 2 years ago and they had to put themselves first. That’s about as much as I got.

Quite a selfish and misleading way to go about things, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. Explanation you were given doesn’t sound like the whole story to me either.