(Ex) bf and selfies - is it suspicious

[astl]

So I'm now split with my ex bf and fully expecting a lot of people to tell me it not longer matters if this is suspicious. However I always had a nagging doubt about whether I could fully trust him during our relationship.

He was always very secretive with his phone/social media.
However I have a history resulting in trust issues (exH cheated had a year long affair while I was pregnant/had a newborn).

Anyway, since we've split he has rejoined dating apps. My friend sent me screenshots as I hadn't actually told this particular friend that we had split up yet.....

Anyway a lot of his new photos are really posery selfies he took while we were together. I can tell by the location and what he was wearing etc (eg in one he's wearing a jumper I bought him). We never really sent each other selfies while together. Not serious/posed ones anyway!!

So if he was taking these while we were together would you suspect he was sending them to other girls at the time? For what other reason would a grown man (over 40) so this?

He's now an ex. He's in your rear view mirror and you need to be looking forward.

Did he post selfies on social media? Lots of people take selfies if they're somewhere interesting or have got dressed for an occasion. Did he share look at me / look where I am type of posts? Or perhaps he sent selfies to mates or in a work WhatsApp group or his mum?

Over 40s men in my experience unfortunately are very much like men in 20s. Selfies, posing messaging/liking woman on social media there’s not much difference bit sad not true. Honestly I would focus on you don’t bother looking at what he’s doing and tell your friends you don’t want to know either x good luck

He didn't post them on insta, not sure about fb as we weren't 'friends' - he didn't see the point as he said he only scrolled through and never posted. Who knows?!

They were very much based on him and how he looked rather than where he was/what he was doing.

We went on holiday together a couple of times. Very 1st holiday together i had 100s of photos in my phone. Some of us together, some he took of me, some of him alone.

He asked to look through them and he sent himself his favourites. When I looked at the ones he'd sent himself, they were all ones of him on his own. Not a single one of me or us together.

Could've been for his mum/mates. Not something I'd do as I wouldn't think they'd be interested in me taking a picture of myself in the mirror - scenery or picture of me out enjoying myself, of course they would

The reason I'm going over the last as I have moments of missing him a regretting breaking up. I convince myself that maybe it was me imagining the issues

This example of the selfies isn't why we broke up but I just always had a gut feeling things weren't adding up and I'm struggling to articulate why

No one here can answer on his behalf really

He probably wants nice photos for his online dating profile.

He definitely wasn't bothered about you as a 'couple' if he didn't want any of you/you together.

Re why the selfies? I was in a very loose FWB situation with a guy in his 40s, he'd send me (and several other women in his 'circle') random selfies.
Like him at the gym, or with his mates or dressed up nice. Not dick pics or anything of that matter.
I don't think I'd ever sent him a selfie of me.
I never bothered to reply, but imagine he sent them out to his women so we could all coo over him and send him back lovely ego boosting messages.

The fact that he’s already on dating apps shows he’s moved on, or better still isn’t really giving you a thought/missing you.
Trust me in a few weeks/months time you’ll begin to see why you made the right decision. Good luck!

It does sound like u still habe feelings for this man. Sounds to me he's quite vain lol but unfortunately it's something your neber really going to find out he's neber going to admit it either. And tjere is also a reason he's your ex look forward not backwards forget what has been and look forward to your future maybe on your own single/ with friends your children or maybe another man in your life that will proudly share and want those pictures of you both.

So you are asking because you want him back? I don't think anyone here can answer that question and to be frank who cares? If you had doubts,even if it isn't true, it means the relationship was unlikely to survive long term anyway. You/he ended it for a reason and he seems to be moving on. I would leave him alone and also move on. Are you prehaps wanting him just because you don't want anyone else to "have him?"

Lots of my male and female friends (and we're mostly in our 40s) take selfies now and again and none of us are doing that for the purposes of cheating on our partners. For a lot of people, it's just a confidence thing. If you're not that secure about your appearance, which is the case for a lot of people, a flattering photo just makes you feel better about yourself.

Ultimately, neither you nor anyone else is ever going know what your boyfriend was/wasn't doing during your relationship, but clearly this wasn't a healthy relationship for you anyway if you didn't feel you could trust him. You need to try to move on from this and stop devoting headspace to speculation about him.

If it’s just the selfies on your mind, the selfies are fine, but you have said you seen other things not adding up. Where there’s smoke there’s sometimes fire. It depends how serious the other things you saw not adding up were.

He could well have been. You've split up because he cannot be trusted.
You've no way of proving it and it makes little difference. Just forget about him. And tell all your mates that if they see him on OLD or SM you don't want to know. You blocked him for a reason. Move on with your life now. You're free.

He took the photos while together doesnt mean he was then using dating apps. But it seems you made a good call splitting up. Now it's time to move on. Who cares what he does? Move on! Tell your friends so they can stop sharing stuff.

Why do you care? It's over. Stop giving him headspace.

He's an ex. Stop obsessing over this, it's not healthy. Stay off social media.

Lol lots of people take photos of themselves. My mum takes about 20 a day and she's in her 60s

No, they split up because she didn't trust him, completely different to 'he cannot be trusted'. And given the op admits to having trust issues, that's what the real issue is. Unless this is a massive drip feed, he hasn't really done anything that warrants such distrust.

OP isn't free to move on with her life - these trust issues will follow her into her next relationship (and the ones after that) if she doesn't sort them out first. Get some counselling, do some self help, whatever it takes. Just don't enter another relationship until you've sorted yourself out, else you'll just self sabotage the next one as well.