Sex has gone

[Opentry]

64 year old man here
I’m in a long term relationship with no sex I still feel attracted towards her ….it used to be good
However due to menopause issues which she refused to seek treatment for leading to a mental breakdown brought on by work stress ….added to this high blood pressure meds
Her libido has vanished
If I try broach the subject it creates an almighty argument so much so I’ve given up mentioning it
I keep myself fairly trim and active always try my best at home etc
i dont want to leave her
Any ideas out there

You've just got to gently persist and say you want to discuss how unhappy you are and surely she'd like to talk about her feelings too.

No one should have a sexless relationship imposed on them and say you want to discuss how to improve things. Is she happy, what can you do to help her day to day to make things less stressful so she may feel more happy. Even without hrt she could have oestrogen cream vaginally that would help if she has atrophy post meno but she has got to seek help.

Do you do all the usual, help around the house etc? You shouldn't have to hoover to get sex obviously but women can feel overwhelmed with the daily grind so a helpful partner can stop any resentment which is a bigger libido killer than the menopause.

If she refuses to discuss it say the options are to split or to consider an open relationship. Good luck.

Hmmmm feel sorry for you there, 60 something here & I’m not ready to go without just yet.

All I say is there are lots of women in the same or similar situation, maybe if you really feel you’ve tried your hardest then a discreet “arrangement” might be the only solution
Of course there’s always the chance you’ll develop feelings for one another but that’s the chance you may have to risk.

Good luck whatever you decide x

Thanks for your help
The problem there is how do I find a genuine person in a similar situation is there an online forum or similar

Thank you
it’s the refusal to discuss thing that hurts the most
I’ve thought about the open relationship idea just seems easier in theory than in practice and don’t know where to start

She can't refuse to discuss it. Just pick a calm moment, say 'our relationship needs discussing either agree to talk to me or we separate'. People really should not refuse to talk about problems in relationships.

Or split. Please don't cheat it really is not the answer. An open relationship is with consent from the other party.

Thank you for taking your time to help
I appreciate your advice