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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just want my husband back

5 replies

ThatCoralBiscuit · 19/01/2025 10:59

I have written about this before but my family and friend are too busy leading their own lives so I need a handhold.
my husband (50) is going through some mid life crisis and part of this is he wants to be apart from me,
things have not been great for a while but we have got lots of strains in our life including a daughter who has been ill for a while which involves her being mute. I have been diagnosed with a benign brain tumour and we both have very stressful jobs.
he had taken to sleeping on the sofa and I kept on telling him that it made me feel rejected. He also does not really care when I am ill, I had to go to the mri with a friend for my brain scan.
I have now accepted a job which comes with accommodation, which means that he is spending a lot of time in our own house, leaving me and our children in the work flat.
this week, he had blocked my mobile phone number and he refuses to talk.
he is undergoing a lot of work stress and has an important exam week after next which is clearly affecting his mental well-being. I don’t know when I am going to see him, he just shows up at my flat and won’t return calls. We still need to talk but he got told off for having his phone at work and now takes this to the extreme.m
i have been with him since I was 19 and i am now 45. I don’t know who I am without him and nobody understands the care of our daughter like him. I have lost my person who I turned too and I am completely lost. He will not accept help but he really does need it. I care deeply about him and u don’t understand how he can just cut off all contact and only communicate to our kids. I am not sleeping very well as I feel so sad and just want things to be back the way they were. My brain goes over and over how I could fix things and what I have done wrong then worries about the future and this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I am completely lost and tired of pretending to people. I don’t understand how he could suddenly hate me so much.

OP posts:
Weyohweyoh · 19/01/2025 11:03

Is there someone else? He seems to have just checked out and abandoned you. If you can’t get him to communicate, then you need to take care of yourself.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/01/2025 11:06

I am really sorry but I don't think you could ever have your husband 'back'. Even if he agreed to come home and try again with you, you would always wonder whether or when he was going to do this again.
But being separate from you doesn't mean he can't care for his daughter, does it? He'll just have to put himself out a bit more if she's not under the same roof.

LostittoBostik · 19/01/2025 11:06

I would put £100 on his attitude changing when your tumour was diagnosed. He does not want to support you, he's not a partner.
Do not fight for this arsehole

LostittoBostik · 19/01/2025 11:07

Interesting that if you speak to cancer nurses they say every male patient is accompanied by their partner for chemo and every female patient is accompanied by a female friend or a sister.

His reaction has told you everything you need to know about how little he's willing to give you.

Get your ducks in a row and take your life back. You will be SO MUCH HAPPIER without him

Maddy70 · 19/01/2025 13:54

It is very difficult for one who is supporting illness and trying to work and all the other pressures that go with that .
Telling him you feel rejected just puts more pressure on. What are you doing to save your relationship?

Book a table somewhere nice
Book a weekend away
Do something proactive

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