Hi,
I’ve been in a relationship with my kids dad for 7 years. Two young children together.
we had our first child quite quick into our relationship. While pregnant he told me that he (before we made it official) had shown explicit photos of me , to all his friends, family, work colleagues, even strangers in the pub. I was absolutely mortified and it took ALOT of convincing for me to stay. He said he did it because he didn’t think I’d be his girlfriend. But I stayed which was a huge mistake.
Fast forward I had my first child and a few years later (after a difficult relationship and ups and downs I had my second after having sex ONCE in like a year with him). But I’m glad I had my son of course.
its been almost 3 years since having my son and we haven’t been intimate once. We don’t kiss or cuddle, I do 90% of the parenting as he is always working away. And I realised that I am just not happy. I’m miserable! The kids get a constant version of me which is not myself. I grew up with parents who stayed together for us and it was miserable. They separated when I was 18 and they are now so happy and enjoying life.
I want to seperate from the kids dad, and I’ve been telling him this since august and I’m final on my decision but he just won’t let me. I’ve told him i am not in love with him , I have no feelings for him, we are both miserable and constantly fight. The kids see everything.
he has so much rage and aggression he said something disgusting to my nearly 6 year old this week and it absolutely terrified me. He said “speak to me like that again you little bitch and il slap you in the mouth”
she was so upset. He then told me I was a bitch “living in his house” (even though I pay towards mortgage)
I can’t be with a man like that. He says I’ve bankrupt him getting the house (that we both pay for together) and that he has no life here and he’s only here for the kids. Yet I tell him we need to sell the house , get the money from the sale and move on and he refuses!
we had the house on the market a few months ago and had a couple very interested in buying and he took it off the market without telling me!
I am completely stuck in this situation and I need to get out . I’ve been sick for months and I believe it’s the stress of this situation.
im not even wanting half the money from the house sale, even though I’m legally entitled to it. I’ll just take enough so I can start fresh.
i don’t know how much longer I can stay under the same roof, I’ve had friends/family offer me to stay with them but he will absolutely kick off if I do that. He won’t even let me leave the room without asking me where I am going or who I am talking to. I’ve told him that we are separated but he will not take it , he keeps saying “there must be another reason, you are cheating etc etc”
he has cameras around the house and I have an account on there and I’ve seen him logging into them to watch me coming and going from the house when he’s not there. Originally we got them incase I ever fell sick while he was away but now they are just used to watch.
does anyone have any advice? Is it better to just leave than keep repeating myself over and over? Even though id have to leave my kids. I cannot stay here.
I’ve spent decades of my life in controlling relationships (my last relationship was financially abusive) and I just so desperately want to be happy again , like I see other people happy. Why has happiness never happened to me. i don’t want to get to old age and feel like I’ve wasted my whole life not doing what made me happy.
I can’t even do hobbies I like (walking /hiking) without being questioned or watched.
Id rather be single than live in an unhappy relationship wasting every single day away.
I just feel like there is one way out and it’s not going to be pretty for anyone.