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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know what to think

5 replies

ByMintFinch · 19/01/2025 06:53

My boyfriend had a major surgery. In the beginning of his recovery when I worked his daughter who is 14 would stay in our room on the nights I work. I didn't feel he should be a lone at night while I work. Weeks later I find out she is still staying in our room while I work. I'm not suggesting anything inappropriate is occurring. However, she has went through our dressers, closets, ipads and phones without permission. I have found she has stolen some of my undergarments. Tonight I asked him not to allow her in our room while I work. I feel she invades my personal space. I just don't feel she needs to be there all night. I found out she stayed anyway while I was at work. I'm so mad he didn't respect my request. I don't know what to think or even how to handle this situation. What do you all think/suggest?

OP posts:
Chillysweet · 19/01/2025 07:00

It's irritable sometimes and its okay to feel angry because it's emotions and feelings we are human the same thing happens to me but here are my sister's they go through all of my stuff when they came like it's their right and even take away my dresses and clothes several times I was so angry everytime but if I say no my mom would emotionally blackmail me I was frustrated ...and then I cleared it to her what I like and dont like in serious manner she didn't take me seriously but I repeatedly started saying no to things I didn't like although it was hard but I did it and now they don't wear my clothes

Iaminthefly · 19/01/2025 07:13

Why the fuck is your boyfriends 14 year old daughter sleeping in his room anyway?

There was zero reason for that even right after the surgery, never mind months after! Where is she actually sleeping,

Sorry but the going through your stuff is the least of your worries. This is not normal in any way shape or form. What teenage girl wants to sleep in her dads room night after night?

ByMintFinch · 19/01/2025 07:44

Iaminthefly · 19/01/2025 07:13

Why the fuck is your boyfriends 14 year old daughter sleeping in his room anyway?

There was zero reason for that even right after the surgery, never mind months after! Where is she actually sleeping,

Sorry but the going through your stuff is the least of your worries. This is not normal in any way shape or form. What teenage girl wants to sleep in her dads room night after night?

It was only supposed to be a night or two post op when I couldn't be there since he couldn't walk.

I do agree I don't think there should be occurring its every weird, and you are right what 14 yr old would want too.

I'm very pissed that my wishes were ignored tonight. I wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting.

OP posts:
Iaminthefly · 19/01/2025 08:04

Even if he couldn't walk there's still no reason for her to be in there surely? What's he likely to need during the night?

I think you're under reacting to be honest. The whole set up is deeply weird. What reason is he giving for her to still be sleeping in there? Does she live with you FT? How old is your BF and how long have you two been together?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 19/01/2025 09:00

I looked after my dad when he was terminally ill and stayed in the next room. Before he went into
hospice care I got a blow up bed and slept on the floor a few times.
This teenage girl behaving like this, and more to the point, allowing it and disregarding your feelings is seriously warped.
I couldn’t continue in this relationship. Stealing your underwear is really, really not good.

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