What to do now

[isitmeamithedrama]

More of a WWYD I think

DP and I have been together for 18months. All going really well, met his 3 children but I don't really encroach on their time together.

Recently, there's been a breakdown in the relationship between the children and their DM and they are now living with him full time. They refuse to have any kind of relationship with their mum at the moment so DP is dealing with her a lot more, phones/texts etc.

I cannot stress enough that the children are rightly the priority and our relationship can modify and fit around what they need. The thing I'm struggling to deal with is I'm not ever a priority.
I don't ever ask for anything, however he offered to help me sort something out this weekend so I put it off until he was free.
At the last minute, as I'm walking out the door, plans had to change and I'll be sorting my thing tomorrow on my own.
Shit hit the fan and now I'm considering the whole relationship which until now has been pretty perfect.

You're contradicting yourself. You say the children are rightly the priority, but when things changed today and he made them the priority, shit has hit the fan?
I can understand why you'd be pissed off about a last-minute change, but you surely must have expected that this could be the case dealing with three kids?
Why has shit hit the fan? Can you rearrange what you planned today? If it has been pretty perfect up until this point, I'd consider that first before nuking the whole thing.

Was it your shit that hit the fan or was it is?

A parents life isn't linear and won't run like clockwork the time.
He's got a full-time job with the kids a quite obviously new situation which may take a while to settle down.
His children will always take priority, either support or leave him...

A lot of step mums find not being the priority hard to deal with. It’s understandable because it’s unnatural. In the normal order of things you and your DP are number one in each others’ lives until you create a little mini me that becomes your joint number one. As a step mum you’re at best number two to someone you don’t even like that much.

I wouldn't like to be let down OP, especially at the last minute. However, when it comes to his children, like you say, of course they will be the priority. It's not wrong for you to want to feel a priority sometimes, but equally it's not wrong for your OH to put his children's needs first. Particularly at a difficult time.

The question is - can you be arsed? I've got to the point where I won't put myself in a situation where resentment is a possibility. If you are happy to take a back seat and can hand on heart say that fitting in around them won't bother you then why not just carrying on 'dating' (when possible) but if you think you'd start resenting the situation, him and his children, then I would bail and find someone to meet your needs.

I definitely think I'm resenting him today.
I do a lot for them all, albeit whilst keeping a distance.
We've cancelled a holiday, a weekend away and other bits and pieces because it would be too unsettling for the children.
Today was the eldest moaning at watching the youngest for 2 hours. So I get a message "can't do today, speak later" I was locking my door ready to go,
I had no idea what had happened and heard back 4hrs later. Full of apologies and asking forgiveness.
I know it's a learning curve for everyone involved but I'm struggling when I get next to nothing back