Mortgage responsibility when fleeing

[Freedomfighter87]

I'm preparing to leave an abusive relationship and take my primary school age child with me. I can afford to cover rent and bills on a new house, but not make any payments towards the mortgage on our current home at the same time.

Husband is out of work, so at the moment I pay all the bills (whilst working full time and doing everything else...), but is looking. I suspect when I leave he won't bother to get a job as he will expect me to carry on paying for everything, which I won't do. I'm not expecting for him to provide any financial support towards raising our child.

Has anyone been in a similar position? My current view is that even if our current home ended up being repossessed it would be better than living like this, it has plenty of equity to cover the outstanding mortgage so I'm not worried about that. My main concern is creating a new safe and peaceful home for my daughter, but I wondered what hurdles I can expect when walking out of a property? He won't leave, and as we are joint owners I can't make him. The abusive is emotional rather than physical and so unlikely to secure an occupation order.

Just to add, I will be getting legal advice but as it's so expensive I'm trying to educate myself as much as possible in advance!

You are legally required to make your mortgage payments, it’s not as easy as just walking away from it, and the impact of not paying your mortgage if that leads to missed payments and repossession of the house could really prevent you securing a new home for yourself and your daughter because nobody will lend to you for another mortgage and you’d fail the credit checks to rent.

If you are both on the mortgage then you both have a responsibility to pay it. Actually, you don’t both have to pay it, but at least one of you needs to to avoid recuppussions .

yes, you might think; and rightly so that walking out and being repossessed is better than being in an abusive relationship but the long term implications are hard. No chance for any credit for 5 years, you’ll need a guarantor for any private rentals , even your bank account is likely to be changed to the most basic kind with no perks.

also, you might have a good amount of equity in the house now, but when it gets repossessed it won’t be sold for market value; all the lender wants is a quick sale and to recoup what they are owed. There are also other fees associated with being repossessed so your equity is likely to be at least 20% less after you sell than if you sold normally now.

however, if you can show that you are actively trying to sell the house, it is likely the lender will be much kinder and give you a few more months grace of not paying the mortgage.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

try these guys for some advice, you won’t have been the first in this situation sadly xx

Thanks this is really helpful. The house value is double the outstanding mortgage so even with fees etc I'm confident it will be covered. I'm planning on securing a rental property before moving out and I have a guarantor if needed. Ideally I want him to agree to sell via a court order but I know he will make this as difficult as possible. My credit score is shot anyway and I won't be looking to buy for at least 5 years.

Otherwise I'm literally trapped here as nothing will change.

Honestly OP you’d be better off getting a court order to force the sale

You could try the NCDV for advice - they can support with getting an occupation order.

www.ncdv.org.uk/about-ncdv/aims-policy-practice/

You can sometimes freeze mortgage payments for a time or pay interest only, can't you?

I think you would need to speak to your mortgage provider and tell them your relationship has broken down and you have fled abuse, once you're safe. It might be that you can take a break on the payments or reduce them while you're sorting out what happens with the house.

Could he buy you out?

Sometimes the only solution is what you have suggested
walk away and pay for nothing that benefits him
make sure all bills are in his name if you leave
Sounds like the house will be repossessed at some point anyway as he'll just live it in and drag out every process without engaging and contributing financially

He doesn't have a job so won't be able to buy me out. I literally pay for everything, including his car (which is in my name) and his mobile (which is in my name). I honestly want to turn back time and give myself a shake!

My current plan is move out safely, then speak to mortgage company whilst applying for a court order to sell the house. I was interested to see if anyone else has been through this as I can't be the only one, even though sometimes it feels very lonely!

When you leave, you should take the car (in your name).

I spoke with the police and women's aid this week, after a physical incident a few years back where I did call the police he has been very careful just to stop short of anything which could get him arrested or made homeless. The police said they thought he was doing this deliberately- very controlled

Could you get an Ouster order to get him removed from the property instead?

Your problem will be if you need to rent again in the future
you will probably have ccj against you and won’t be able to rent

if you have a mortgage shortfall they can chase you for 12 years not the usual 6 years

While you have the house and the equity you may struggle to get any UC

I'd try get him to agree to get the mortgage switched to interest only for 12 months then leave. Might it be manageable then? The bank will still register the payment defaults and your credit score could get worse.q

I think it may have been mentioned, but maybe a payment holiday even for 3 months or so may give you the breathing space to get more financial aspects sorted and you set up.

You're very strong for doing this, I wish you all the very best.

Op you are brave . I feel so proud of you . Just go . Stay safe and leave . Do it while you can . Xx

Please speak to your mortgage provider for advice before you do anything, there may be options like interest only or payment holidays for you. They're genuinely there to help - they all signed up to a Mortgage Charter which means they try to do as much as possible to help customers during hardship.

OP - as suggested upthread, speak to your lender and see if you can agree a payment holiday.

I do pro-bono work on non-mols and occupation orders via the NCDV: you’re right that it’s very hard to get an occupation order that removes him from the house if there is no physical violence. Depending on the size of your house, you may be able to get an order dividing up use of the house but you would have to apply for that on notice (speaking from experience, it’s very rare for an occupation order to be granted without notice unless there is serious physical violence).

Good luck, OP.

Hi OP, I have literally been in your position although without money to set myself up again. I left a year and a half ago. The house side has been a disaster and still is. I also tried to get an occupation order but the process took a while (because I was living with family and not technically homeless it wasn’t a priority) so I gave up with that as I’d been offered a council house before the final hearing. I was legal aid though so they are probably far busier than other solicitors.

The mortgage hasn’t been paid for 15 months and he’s still not been evicted yet but the bank have now got a possession order. Still likely to drag on for another few months though no doubt. So my credit rating is completely destroyed even before the repossession. So definitely secure yourself a home first if you do leave (if you think he’s not going to pay).

It you want to avoid losing the house, money etc I would advise staying in the house and applying for an occupation order as that potentially would be urgent then and get heard much quicker. They will still take on board emotional abuse but it is a very draining process and you’re right, the Court don’t take it as seriously when it’s emotional abuse in my experience. And you need to have reported it to someone if you haven’t already. You could contact a domestic abuse service near you? They’re really good and helped me even just providing letters (you also need this if you were to get legal aid). An occupation order would then give you 6 months and you could potentially force a house sale.

I sometimes wish I’d rung the police and reported a domestic (just verbal). I believe the police would likely have made him leave which could give you some breathing space to apply. However I understand needing to get out and despite the financial implications (as I have literally lost everything), I feel much better now. You and your DD being safe is all that matters. If you do leave I would advise that you take everything that you want at the time on the understanding that you might never be able to return.

My situation also resulted in private proceedings for our DC so maybe think about that as well (unless your husband is more reasonable than mine was)

It isn't a criminal offence not to pay a mortgage 😂

No don't "just go" OP. You are getting some very sound advice here on the longer term financial consequences. Please consider all these things before just walking away from your property.

Sorry you are going through this OP. I also left a bad marriage with small DC and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

Where did the poster say it was a criminal offense???
A mortgage is a legal contract so you are legally obliged to pay the mortgage.

op said her credit is shot!
so go. The house will have to be sold .
Leave before he seriously harms you. A woman dies every day . I’ve been
in an abusibe relationship and I kept saying I would go when…..:
If you have the strength, take your child and go.

@Freedomfighter87 call your mortgage company. You are not the first person in this situation. Ask to be connected to the department that deals with victims of crime (say it's about domestic abuse) and that you need to take a mortgage holiday and explain the situation.

Definitely contact women's aid and also CAB.