I hate having this crush.....on a teacher.

blockie · 2025-01-18T09:50:19+00:00

I work in a school and have a huge crush on a teacher. I am 8 years older than him - both single. Well he is as far as I know. Could imagine he would be a bit of a player in his personal life. I don't see him often but everyday I am making sure I come into work looking as nice as possible. It's purely incase I see him. Although I am 100% certain that I would not be his type and I'd also be too old for him anyway. I find myself just constantly thinking about him when I'm not in school. Like ALL the time. Last night I had the most wonderful dream about him hence me posting on here! We were recently added to the same what's app group and I felt like a teenager again knowing I had his phone number....I'm 41 years old and I feel like an embarrassment. I find myself walking from A-B around school through certain corridors just so it gives me the chance to see him more. If I do see him, we say 'hello' to each other and that's it 🙄😂 it's absolutely ridiculous. Although I have found that sometimes I get that 'meh' feeling when I do see him. Like I'm building it up in my head more and he's actually not that attractive. I got divorced last year after finally escaping an abusive marriage and I was pleased when this crush developed as a positive sign for moving on but it turns out, it's really not that great. It's consuming my mind. He's also very confident, sure of himself, charming - the type I really need to avoid. He reminds me of my ex husband in some ways. I know there's a few mothers of pupils who find him attractive. To make matters worse, he also teaches my child. I'm on the dating apps but there is absolutely no one on there I'm interested in and I spend more time scrolling through hoping I'll find 'crush man' on there. I honestly feel I'd be devastated if he had a girlfriend and that fills me with shame to even say that 😂 Any tips on getting over this? I love my job and it fits in perfectly with my life so leaving isn't really an option. I wish he would give me the 'ick'

TwinklyGoldReader · 18/01/2025 10:01

I was once in a similar situation to this a good few years ago, in my mums words 'don't shit on your own doorstep!'

She was absolutely right 😂 if you can, get yourself out there socialising with friends and good things/men will hopefully come your way x

Conkerjar · 18/01/2025 10:19

I think it'll pass. Most crushes do. And it's also a bit like the pink elephant thing - the more you try and suppress it in your mind the more it will shove its way forward and become your focus. Take the pressure off yourself and just accept this as a natural thing that happens to us all. It'll make it less heightened and level oft more quickly. I've had some ridiculous crushes, accepting them as a silly phenomenon makes it easier to let go. I might not be explaining it well but it's a bit of a mind trick you have to do with yourself. I can guarantee if you're finding the meh already, the meh is definitely there. You'll travel past this soon enough - your brain will just leave this station in a while.

Tipperttruck · 18/01/2025 10:22

2 scenarios that will help.

He stops you in the corridor, says he loves you and wants to be with you leans in for a kiss, he opens his mouth, moving in and....he stinks of rotten fish..

He confesses his undying love, grasps you for a hug, and the ecoli germs slip off his hands onto yours. You spend the next 2 weeks vomiting. You later find out he never washes his hands after a wee OR a poo.

Chipolataloolaa · 18/01/2025 11:00

Read up about Limerence. Perhaps understanding what’s going on might help you to get it in perspective. Don’t beat yourself up it sounds to me as though you were in a relationship for a long time and you are looking to have your feelings go somewhere… You have picked somewhere unrealistic for them to go, not so much based on the age gap as I don’t think that’s a thing really but based on the fact that you don’t really know him.
Sometimes having that unrealistic person we focus on with a crush is kind of an emotional distraction for us and fulfils a certain need. As long as it doesn’t escalate, you’ll be okay and I think once you understand that this is something called Limerence you can frame and manage it better. Good luck, you need recovery time from your relationship and it might be worth going to see somebody professional who can offer a safe space for talking through everything you’ve been through. XX

Original poster

blockie · 18/01/2025 11:05

Conkerjar · 18/01/2025 10:19

I think it'll pass. Most crushes do. And it's also a bit like the pink elephant thing - the more you try and suppress it in your mind the more it will shove its way forward and become your focus. Take the pressure off yourself and just accept this as a natural thing that happens to us all. It'll make it less heightened and level oft more quickly. I've had some ridiculous crushes, accepting them as a silly phenomenon makes it easier to let go. I might not be explaining it well but it's a bit of a mind trick you have to do with yourself. I can guarantee if you're finding the meh already, the meh is definitely there. You'll travel past this soon enough - your brain will just leave this station in a while.

Thank you, I hope so!

In a way, I do enjoy it - im single and it's almost freeing to know I can have a crush and not feel guilty about it.

Im actually also looking better than I have ever looked before thanks to this crush so it's not all bad!

He is also an excellent teacher and watching him do his job sort of melts me a little bit.

But at the same time, stalking his social media on a daily basis, walking around school to places I really don't need to go too and spending this whole morning picturing our life together is really not ideal!

This time last year I was an absolute wreck, my ex husband had completely destroyed me mentally. Never imagined a year later that he would be a distant memory and I'd be obsessing over a man almost 10 years younger than me 🙄😂

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Original poster

blockie · 18/01/2025 11:13

Chipolataloolaa · 18/01/2025 11:00

Read up about Limerence. Perhaps understanding what’s going on might help you to get it in perspective. Don’t beat yourself up it sounds to me as though you were in a relationship for a long time and you are looking to have your feelings go somewhere… You have picked somewhere unrealistic for them to go, not so much based on the age gap as I don’t think that’s a thing really but based on the fact that you don’t really know him.
Sometimes having that unrealistic person we focus on with a crush is kind of an emotional distraction for us and fulfils a certain need. As long as it doesn’t escalate, you’ll be okay and I think once you understand that this is something called Limerence you can frame and manage it better. Good luck, you need recovery time from your relationship and it might be worth going to see somebody professional who can offer a safe space for talking through everything you’ve been through. XX

Thank you, I will look up limerence - I have heard of it before but never really researched it too much.

Believe it or not, I've just come out of therapy - I've had 3 years of it! Realistically, I don't want a relationship. I'm absolutely in no rush to find anything and I'm more than happy on my own, doing what I want, when I want.

The fact I've been on dating apps has told me I'm not ready. I've chatted to some lovely men but absolutely none of them make me feel like I need to go on a date let alone anything else!

I would love to find love one day and I think you're right - there is a part of me that I'm looking to fulfil....yet I'm not ready for it.

More than anything, I'm just well and truly relieved to be over my marriage and out the other side.

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Original poster

blockie · 18/01/2025 11:14

Tipperttruck · 18/01/2025 10:22

2 scenarios that will help.

He stops you in the corridor, says he loves you and wants to be with you leans in for a kiss, he opens his mouth, moving in and....he stinks of rotten fish..

He confesses his undying love, grasps you for a hug, and the ecoli germs slip off his hands onto yours. You spend the next 2 weeks vomiting. You later find out he never washes his hands after a wee OR a poo.

😂😂😂😂

That's made me feel sick in my mouth, thank you 🙏🏻

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Original poster

blockie · 18/01/2025 11:53

Limerence seems to be the answer here - thank you @Chipolataloolaa

I also could be perimenopausal which also could be contributing.

Nice to be able to have some more clarity on the situation.

If I see him walking towards me on Monday, I just need to think 'he's just an LO' (Limerence object)

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1457bloom · 18/01/2025 11:56

Is there any chance he might like you?, do you have a connection?, is he single?

Armpitwoes · 18/01/2025 12:02

I am 40 and very happily married to my husband but I have also developed a ridiculous crush on a work colleague.
I am putting it down to hormone craziness and just riding it out til I get over it. But also secretly enjoying feeling like a teenager again!

Original poster

blockie · 18/01/2025 12:09

1457bloom · 18/01/2025 11:56

Is there any chance he might like you?, do you have a connection?, is he single?

We were at a training day back in September and I heard him saying he was single then. His social media shows no signs of a girlfriend. Could have changed since then though.

I don't think he would like me no - he's very friendly and always says hello with a smile but that's just him.

He did make me blush before Christmas as he was really smiling at me but then made me aware it was because my child was coming down the corridor behind me 😂🙄

The only thing that's made me question it is he's asked my child who her sibling is (who he also used to teach and is quite a bit older than her with a different surname) and the only way he could know that is maybe from my social media - but that really is clutching at straws and even typing this makes it sound ridiculous! There's a couple of little things but in reality they just mean nothing!

So in answer to your question - no I don't think he does 😂

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Original poster

blockie · 18/01/2025 12:15

Armpitwoes · 18/01/2025 12:02

I am 40 and very happily married to my husband but I have also developed a ridiculous crush on a work colleague.
I am putting it down to hormone craziness and just riding it out til I get over it. But also secretly enjoying feeling like a teenager again!

I am similar - it is nice to have that excitement. And like I say, I am looking after myself better than I ever have before. There are some positives!

I think the problem for me is I am single and so is he.

Secretly I'm hoping hes gay 😂😂

But yeah I'm hoping it's all hormonal. I've done the therapy work. I know my childhood has lead me to some issues as an adult so no doubt that is playing a part too. It doesn't help stop me from day dreaming him declaring his undying love for me though.....

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Dery · 18/01/2025 12:21

@Conkerjar has expressed it brilliantly: this is only as serious as you let it be. About a decade ago, I developed a huge crush on a close work colleague. It had no bearing at all on my love for my DH. It blew itself out over time.

Your crush on this guy is a very enjoyable distraction from what you went through with your ex-husband. It’s put a spring in your step and got you sparkling. Just see it as a fun step on your road to recovery from your abusive marriage. Enjoy it as it is and without any need for more because, as you’ve said, it would be very unwise to go there. Not necessarily because you’re colleagues (I met DH at work) but because he teaches your DC.

Original poster

blockie · 18/01/2025 12:28

Dery · 18/01/2025 12:21

@Conkerjar has expressed it brilliantly: this is only as serious as you let it be. About a decade ago, I developed a huge crush on a close work colleague. It had no bearing at all on my love for my DH. It blew itself out over time.

Your crush on this guy is a very enjoyable distraction from what you went through with your ex-husband. It’s put a spring in your step and got you sparkling. Just see it as a fun step on your road to recovery from your abusive marriage. Enjoy it as it is and without any need for more because, as you’ve said, it would be very unwise to go there. Not necessarily because you’re colleagues (I met DH at work) but because he teaches your DC.

Absolutely - I'd never go there. The logical part of my brain knows that much. Like you say, he teaches my dc - it would be an absolute no.

I just wish I could enjoy the crush more instead of it taking over my brain.

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