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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Allowing your children to see family members that don’t like you

6 replies

Mumofonesonx · 18/01/2025 09:44

Me and partner have not really spoken to his brother and brothers wife for the past 2 years. Nothing serious happened they just shared some strong opinions on our way of living, spending and since then they have made it very clear they want not much to do with us, after me being the peace maker I reached out numerous times to put this behind us and move on, with no response either time.

I now don’t really want my son who is only 2 to be around them especially when I’m not there. They have since made rumours up about me, not turned up to my sons birthday party, and just made no effort. They have 3 children, which is the saddest part about it. Before this we used to take them all on days out, spoil them and have such fun however since then this has stopped.

my son sees my MIL (brothers mum) quite often and she has mentioned about taking him over to their house or out with them. I have made excuses every time but feel it’s time to say how I actually feel. I don’t think not wanting your child around somebody who doesn’t like you very hard to believe. My MIL is trying to be the peacemaker I get that, but I’ve tried this for the past 2 years with no success. Am I wrong for not wanting this. Baring in mind I have never once said I don’t want to amend things and build back the relationship, this is there doing not mine.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 18/01/2025 09:52

Agree that it's time to be clear with MIL about how you really feel. It's not her role to be peacemaker, but be upfront with her rather than making excuses

Mumcaz · 19/01/2025 00:00

Hi I feel sorry for your Mil. Children again used as pawns in adult problems.

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 19/01/2025 01:43

YANBU. My children have no contact with people who I am not in contact with.

@Mumcaz, I guarantee the in-laws (not MIL) described by @Mumofonesonx are not worth the son having a relationship with. If they have distain for the parents, why would they treat the son any better?

HollyKnight · 19/01/2025 02:23

Have they even said that your child is welcome there, or is MIL just planning on turning up at their door with him?

pikkumyy77 · 19/01/2025 02:31

Child isn’t a pawn—OP is not allowing the child to be a pawn. Very sensible. No relation with the parent means no relation with the child.

Mumcaz · 19/01/2025 05:16

Mumofone wants a relationship eventually. The child is only 2. If you believe the child will be harmed then I understand. They are cousins. So what happens if the grandparent happens to be looking after grandchildren does she turn her other son away from her home. What a sad and pathetic world we live in.

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