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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he doing it to change her mind?

6 replies

CharlotteXoXo · 18/01/2025 09:13

Hi, so this started about a year ago.

I had a friend that was quite flirty with my husband when they were together. Mainly when drink was involved. I kept an eye on it but didn’t think much of it.

1 day I was with a group of girls including her, and she was talking about some others girls husband, basically saying she could do a lot better and she didn’t think much of him etc. I was a bit surprised as he was a really nice guy and he certainly wasn’t unattractive. I don’t know why but I asked her what she thought of my husband. She basically laughed and said some quite horrible things about him. Kind of the same as before, I could do a lot better, and she didn’t think he was attractive etc etc.

I was quite taken back by this as ( I thought ) they had always got on and he’s far from unattractive.

Anyway, this ended up getting back to my husband from 1 of the women that was there. He seemed absolutely gutted about it and wasn’t himself for a week or so. Very quiet.

Since then, he’s joined the gym. He goes literaly every single day lifting weights. He’s got huge over the last year. He has his hair cut and beard trimmed every week. He has a sunbed every week and every other. He’s had lots more ( visible ) tattoos since.

My question is, is he doing all this because he wants to change this women’s opinion? Or do you think it’s deeper than that, that he feels more than just her think that? Also, why would she be flirting so much with someone she deemed ‘unattractive’ and not worthy of her friend?

I have questioned him and he just said there’s nothing wrong with bettering yourself.

OP posts:
12purplepencils · 18/01/2025 09:14

Sounds weird but I think it was unkind of her to say that stuff but also unkind of you to pass it on to him! What was the good of that?

CharlotteXoXo · 18/01/2025 09:15

12purplepencils · 18/01/2025 09:14

Sounds weird but I think it was unkind of her to say that stuff but also unkind of you to pass it on to him! What was the good of that?

I didn’t mention it to him. 1 of my other friends told him. He’s good friends with her husband.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 18/01/2025 09:53

She's not much of a friend really Op, flirts with her friend's DH but runs them down to their wifes. Sounds like she really dented your DHs ego but she's pretty insecure herself

Oldraver · 18/01/2025 14:06

So when she negged your DH, did you not say " so why are you always flirting with him, if you think he is unattractive?"

TheTruthHurtsDontIt · 18/01/2025 14:15

She sounds like a cunt to be honest, can you just not be friends with her anymore? I'm not sure why you'd want to be friends with some nine sided cow but you do you.

And yeah he's definitely preening because he's upset by her opinion, you can make of that what you will too but I don't think I'd be very attracted to a man who is either that insecure or that invested in the opinion of another woman.

CharlotteXoXo · 18/01/2025 15:27

Oldraver · 18/01/2025 14:06

So when she negged your DH, did you not say " so why are you always flirting with him, if you think he is unattractive?"

I did, she said something along the lines of ‘You know what I’m like when I’m drunk’.

OP posts:
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