Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is divorcing me

30 replies

Questionsquestions23 · 18/01/2025 05:22

After many at times difficult years. My husband has filed for divorce. He’s had some MH problems and blames the whole breakdown of our marriage on me. I’ve had my issues too. Everyone around me thinks this is actually good news. I am devastated completely and utterly devastated. There is no one else involved, although historic cheating has played a massive part. I can’t stop crying. At times I’ve wished for this and now it’s happening. Please tell me this will get easier.

OP posts:
Original poster
Questionsquestions23 · 19/01/2025 17:00

CRCGran · 19/01/2025 11:28

You will rise from the ashes and flourish!! And it's HIS loss. Good luck. You'll do great, I'm absolutely sure.

Thank you - it doesn’t feel like that right now but I’m sure you’re right - I’ll be the woman I always always wanted to be xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Questionsquestions23 · 19/01/2025 17:04

unsync · 19/01/2025 12:27

It will get better. You are grieving for the life you know and the future you thought you were going to have.

You will surprise yourself with how strong you really are. Focus on yourself and your children, take it a day at a time. Each day things will shift a bit and your feelings will change. You'll rediscover yourself and it will be a revelation. A good life is yours for the taking, seize it with both hands.

Thanks - I’m just super sad - I love him - I guess I don’t love everything about my life with him but who does? My old
life felt easier than this pain - xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Questionsquestions23 · 22/01/2025 21:04

superclouds · 18/01/2025 06:19

It sounds like he's been a pretty awful husband over the years - cheating, maybe controlling (just reading between the lines as you say you've based yourself around his moods and hobbies). Yes, you've had some happy times, but nobody (I hope) starts off a relationship with infidelity/selfishness etc.

Your friends are probably relieved that you'll be free of him - but they also need to acknowledge that it will be a big change for you, and will still feel like a huge loss.

Would it help to write down all the bad things - the times he has been unfaithful and how it made you feel, all the times you were left on your own because of him pursuing his hobbies, all the times you've walked on eggshells because of his moods. Also focus on the freedoms you'll have once it's all sorted.

Your kids will be ok. Yes, in an ideal world they'd have one happy home, but it doesn't sound like yours has been a happy one.

There will be plenty of people along on this thread who've moved on from unhappy marriages, and they'll have good advice I'm sure. But could you seek some therapy to talk things through with a professional to get things clear in your own mind?

I’ve just again read your message again-
thank you x

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 22/01/2025 21:08

You will get through it as you have no option. I divorced my h and I would have never have expected to, need to or do so. While I'm very sad I've had to I'm very happy I don't have to give any more of my life to someone who doesn't deserve me.

KarenW · 22/01/2025 21:50

sometimes love is just not enough to excuse infidelity and lack of respect. you deserve far better

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread