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Relationships

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Advice on what to do. I'm stuck

4 replies

Loulou2004 · 17/01/2025 22:51

I apologise in advance this is a long one. I'm in desperate need of advice/help.
I met my husband in 2023 and we got married very, very quickly. (Within 4 months of meeting). After two weeks of dating we found out he had cancer. It turned our world upside down. It was an aggressive cancer and he needed lots of chemo and major life saving surgery. It impacted so much that I left my job for lots of reasons, but the main one being my boss wasn't very understanding or helpful, and tried to discipline me for being off sick, which he lost. My job was everything to me, and I'm still 1 year on, trying to come to terms with not working there. I have since jumped from job to job trying to be happy again but I'm so desperately low.
We live in a village I absolutely hate and am desperate to move. My husband is now clear and cancer free. He occasionally has minor brain fog/ blackouts and we are waiting to see a neurologist for a Brain scan. Until then he's had his driving licence suspended, which is horrid for him considering he was a bus driving and has been for 25 years. He's had 2 jobs in tesco, both lasted 3 months and then they have got rid of him.
Money is a constant worry in our house We decided to have a joint account and have bills coming out of thay account and keep what was left over in our own accounts. My husband kept digging in to the joint account, leaving us short for bills and then coming to me for more money. He was still on full pay at this point so he had money. I decided to have all the bills coming out of my account and he pay his half to me, this worked for a while, but he started not paying his full half and I was stressing myself out trying to keep up and getting into debt.
I have recently confided in my husband and told him I'm feeling really really low, and feel like I don't want to be in the world anymore. He didn't know whst to say and we've not spoken about it since, so I'm just plodding along lonely and so so low. The day after that conversation., my husband had a contract phone delivered that's costing £75 a month. There's nothing wrong with the phone he has. He told me on the same day hes bought a car from our landlord and paying £100 a month until paid off. Remember he can't even drive at the moment and we are skint, i am absolutely fuming. I just want to leave him and start again.
He just says I'm being unreasonable and basically I need to suck it up.
My daughter is nearly 21 and has moved out up the road, she working full time and is doing well. I'm totally trapped. I have Very little money, iv lost my own car and the job I love. What the hell do I do? I can't carry on like this

OP posts:
CaraCameleon · 17/01/2025 22:57

You need to leave him and start again. It is awful you’ve lost everything because of this relationship but get out now and don’t waste more time on him. He’s leeching off you and things will only get worse. Unfortunately it is probably only now you’re seeing who he really is. How is he getting the credit to get a phone contract when he isn’t working? Are you responsible for payments and if so why? The contract is in his name presumably.
I would go and speak to the Citizens Advice Bureau for guidance about your legal rights. Can you move in with your daughter until things are sorted out? Who owns the house?

Loulou2004 · 17/01/2025 23:15

He started a new job last week, which is why he now thinks cos we have money coming in he can have these extra luxuries. In my head I'm thinking, we won't have an awful lot of money left over and if we do I'd like to go away as a couple or move out of the village I hate. My daughters place isn't set up for me to stay there. She's working full time and done really well for herself. I don't want to drag her down.
I'm just so confused about what I really want. He clearly doesn't love me.

OP posts:
Whocanbelieveit · 17/01/2025 23:38

Well that is, definitely marry in haste repent at leisure. Time to cut your losses and move on OP before you invest any more of your precious time on him.

healthybychristmas · 18/01/2025 00:03

What a horrible situation. I think that I wouldn't stay with him though. He's not there for you as he? He sees you as a supporting character in his life.

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