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Relationships

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If you were in a 'situationship'...

18 replies

TheSeaGurl · 17/01/2025 17:10

...with someone...lots in common, great conversation, good sex, enjoy their company but don't see them as often as you'd like and knew there was little chance of that changing and morphing into a 'proper' relationship for the foreseeable (talking years rather than months)...

...would you tell them if you decided to date other people?

I'm on the fence. I knew the score when we started seeing each other and was fine with it...in many ways I still am...my life is busy and I enjoy my freedom and my own company. But I'm not getting any younger and worry that in a few years time, or if the shit hits the fan I'll regret faffing about and wish I'd pursued finding a potentially more meaningful relationship.

OTOH, I hear and read so many horror stories I'm not at all convinced I'm likely to meet someone that fits the bill...pretty sure most decent single men aren't queuing in their droves to date overweight, middle aged, neurodivergent women 😂.

When I say dating I mean literally that, drinks, coffee, basically dipping my toe in OLD and a few social groups. If I was going to be sleeping with someone else I'd absolutely be up front and finish the situationship.

Just interested to hear others points of view I suppose.

OP posts:
NeedsMustNet · 17/01/2025 17:17

Go for it

Namechange2272 · 17/01/2025 17:32

I think go for it too!

FlowerBee62 · 17/01/2025 17:51

Go for it ,life's to short to wait about for the situation changing.

PudPudDingDing · 17/01/2025 17:53

Is a situationship like a FWB?

I'd be honest and upfront tbh.

MarkingBad · 17/01/2025 17:57

It's best to be honest and up front so your friend can make an informed choice too.

icelolly12 · 17/01/2025 18:03

If you don't they likely will at some point

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/01/2025 18:21

No don't tell them if you're dating other people. The whole point of the situation ship is you owe each other nothing.

greenel · 17/01/2025 19:27

Go for it, but I wouldn't bother telling them. If you're not in a relationship they should be assuming you are seeing other people. You don't know if they are either and the fewer details shared, the easier it is for both. If you meet someone you want to have a sexual relationship with, then yes, tell them but you don't need to end it if they don't want to. You can casually date/have multiple partners as long as you're being safe and not leading anyone on.

Mydogsbiggerthanyourdog · 17/01/2025 19:58

Do you want it to be more than a 'situationship'? What is a 'situationship'?

You sound a little wistful, if that's the right word?

If I were you, I'd go for it, & have fun. You're only here once, remember. 🙂

TheSeaGurl · 17/01/2025 20:40

Mydogsbiggerthanyourdog · 17/01/2025 19:58

Do you want it to be more than a 'situationship'? What is a 'situationship'?

You sound a little wistful, if that's the right word?

If I were you, I'd go for it, & have fun. You're only here once, remember. 🙂

Not sure about wistful exactly - big birthday looming so reassessing my life choices I guess!

If circumstances were different I'd like a relationship with the guy I'm seeing, but they're not and we've always been up front about logistics and drawbacks so I'm at peace with that.

Just a bit on the fence about enjoying what I've got, which is good but not quite enough...or looking for something else I'm not convinced exists. And I don't really want to jack in what I've got because of my doubts!

OP posts:
TheSeaGurl · 17/01/2025 20:41

@Mydogsbiggerthanyourdog

Bit more than FWB but not much chance of it progressing anywhere iykwim...in our case anyway.

OP posts:
Lyn348 · 17/01/2025 20:50

I was going to say that I wouldn't go on OLD because what if he sees you - then I realised that if he did see you it would mean he was doing exactly the same things!

Celynfour · 17/01/2025 20:51

How old are you both OP ? I think there’s lots of factors to consider

thecrispfiend · 17/01/2025 20:55

I believe in being brave. If something isn't right you have to let it go to leave space for the right thing to come along. It's scary and it's painful but I believe this is how you signal to the universe that you believe you deserve more and are worth more. Is you guy married?

Letstheriveranswer · 17/01/2025 20:56

I'd just say something along the lines of 'Obviously I'd like to have a proper relationship with someone one day. I really enjoy what we have and wish it could be you but we both know it can't. That being said, I'll still be keeping my eyes open. That's OK, right?'

No need to spell anything out in a more detailed way, or say when you go on dates or talk to anyone.

Mrsttcno1 · 17/01/2025 20:57

I’d be upfront and honest about it because that’s what I’d want if I was on the other end of the stick. You don’t want him finding out from Dave at work or Jason down the pub that you’ve been spotted on Tinder.

TheSeaGurl · 17/01/2025 21:01

thecrispfiend · 17/01/2025 20:55

I believe in being brave. If something isn't right you have to let it go to leave space for the right thing to come along. It's scary and it's painful but I believe this is how you signal to the universe that you believe you deserve more and are worth more. Is you guy married?

No he's not married, but he has fairly full on family commitments and I'm at a very different stage of my life.

OP posts:
Mydogsbiggerthanyourdog · 17/01/2025 21:11

You said "if circumstances were different you'd like a relationship with the guy I'm seeing."

Imo you are in a relationship - all our exchanges with people are relationships and circumstances can change in an instant, so it doesn't mean the current ones will remain.

What are his family commitments, or is it that really he's a commitment phobe?

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