Whether to leave fairly nice guy

[lemonadecar]

I am up worrying about my relationship. I feel like I need to leave it, but it’s hard. He’s a nice guy, gets on with my kids, is sexy. But also we only see each other once a fortnight (he lives in a different city, with his kids half the time) and in some ways I find his personality tricky.

It’s been three years now and it just doesn’t feel like it has enough momentum. I keep feeling like I’d want a more committed relationship where you see each other every day. But on the other hand he is a lovely type of man— what if I regret it?

Three years of seeing each other once a fortnight and you've not moved forward in the relationship? Is he happy for it to stay this way? What do you find tricky about his personality?

I was in a similar situation where the guy wanted to see me more, i think i was on my own for so long i was happy with only seeing him once a week as i enjoy my own company, so i guess it depends on the person but you need to think of what you want.

Yes, he doesn’t want to move things forwards at all. He’s happy in his setup, likes coparenting closely with his ex (kids are teenagers tho), seeing his local friends etc. I think it suits him very well. I’ve kind of followed suit, but that just means I’ve established my own separate life. We’re like two people leading totally separate lives, and meeting up every now and then.

There are other problems, like he won’t say ‘I love you.’

bump

It’s obviously more casual for him. If it’s always going to be like that then it’s not enough for you. Ultimately you can end a relationship for any reason, my hairdresser dumped a guy because she didn’t like the way he ate applies!

Will you find what you want ? Who knows but if a relationship is making you unhappy better no relationship. I’m 58 and amongst my 5 sisters and I and my very long term women friends plus just women I know about their relationships the amount who have found enough happiness is probably about 50%. What’s the exact formula? No idea if honest. Though I would say women that won’t put up with shit springs to mind.

The only mysterious thing here is why you’ve wasted three years on someone ‘fairly nice’ who lives in a different city and whom you see fortnightly!

‘Fairly nice’ is ten a penny. You can do better.

I suppose that question of whether I’ll find what I want is part of it. What if this is as good as it gets?

In what way is his personality tricky? I don't like the side of that!

“Fairly nice” is the definition of damning with faint praise! Find someone really nice or enjoy being single.

Oh give it up - it amazes me what rubbish women will put up with. Decide what YOU want and go all out to achieve it - stop hanging onto a man's coattails and just accepting what they want.

It's not "as good as it gets" because it is not good at all .....

He sounds self-serving and lacklustre. Why won’t he profess love? There’s generally only one reason for that.

You can do considerably better than a selfish, lukewarm man who likes a convenient shag every fortnight but would wants to be able to stay close to his mates and ex-wife.

Why is having a man essential? You can have a great life being single and really working out what’s important to you.

You won’t meet anyone else while you’re on this relationship so maybe it’s time to end it.

Tbh the casual set up would suit a lot of people if I’d it’s not for you then you have to make that decision.

Only one way to find out!

A man can be very close to his ex wife and the children they had together AND give out warmth, affection, tenderness and commitment to his new relationship. And signal that he’s all in. Whereas this guy doesn’t even have half a foot in. Honestly I don’t know why he would want to be with someone he doesn’t love? You at least realise that this is not a healthy dynamic, whereas he seems not to.

Bloody hell, if a man could only see me once a fortnight at the very START of dating I'd bin him off, because he's not really wanting to date, or he'd find time for it!

At 3 years - what is the point? you might as well be single and save the emotional energy you are putting into this.

Do you mean ‘oh give it up’ as in dump him? Or as in stop being so silly. Either is fine! Just trying to make sure I’ve understood as all this advice is so useful.

Yes, she means give it up. I whole heartedly agree with her.
This man hasn't put the next step effort in. Seeing someone once a fortnight, isnt even good enough on the first months of dating.

Please find someone who loves and adores you,